April 4th I check in at the imaging department at OHSU. On the 5th I rest and finish any and all last minute life stuff. The next day on the 6th of April I have my official surgery. I stay in the hospital overnight, then assuming all goes well a few days later they insert my power pack, then 2-3 weeks later I get plugged in and tuned up. They’ve provided 3 days worth of housing free of charged which is a blessing indeed . Unfortunately the who process is two surgeries and a recommended 30 day healing and stabilization period. These donations will go directly to the lodging and direct care that OHSU and insurance doesn’t cover. Any and all donations are impactful and I can’t express my gratitude and thanks for all of you. Please share the link even if you can’t help monitarily . All things done with love and light will be successful. Always and with some luck, science and faith I’ll see you all on the other side of this. If not please remember to always be brave be bold and thrive in the life you have.
As the stars track clockwise through the heavens I’m reminded of these new changing times. Reflections of my past giving chase to tomorrows memories and dreams.
For whom shall I be now that I am once again free to be me, who is this knight of pure heart and black soul, Cast down from the heavens eons ago. Left to wander these time in paint and prose. Of lovers lips and and sunken ships that have sailed so long ago.
I search for myself amongst these things we think we need and wonder how and why and who am I.
I’m left with lineage, love anguish and tremor. Pain and paint,passion and woes. But this my friend is where my garden grows. From ashes and fire from human desire. These are the things I’ve become. Of drink and desire and maddening rage, one name, one word my love for I am he.
Benjamin,.. is all that I be.
“Written once and spoken a thousand times in my heart”
Many of you know about some of the most private details of my life at this point..
Some of you would even say I’ve over shared…
I guess that’s the beauty of what happens here we all have a choice. To come together under a common bond and share the joys and
sorrows of each others lives. Some to comment, some to watch from the shadows and judge. Either way I made a decision when I first started
blog to be open. Many people forget that this site didn’t start as an Art blog but as my personal journal cataloging my life and struggles with coming to
terms with Young Onset Parkinson’s disease. This journey has taken me around the united states and abroad I’m happy to say I’ve shared every step along the ways, the good the bad and the very ugly personal truths of my life that in reality many of us share in common but would never put out there the way I do.
I’ve said it before and Ill stand by it. I’m a man, no different than any other with the slight exception that I paint and write my heart and soul for all to see. I end 99% of my posts with a kind word. And I pose some hard questions and thoughts because I believe that one man and one voice can change the world.
Art and words have lost their meaning and I will not stand for it another second. For if YOU will not Be Brave and Be Bold or Thrive in the life you have….. I will. If given the chance I would take your hand and shout your name from the roof tops to show the world your brilliance and compassion. Live your words or don’t use them at all. At this point I’ve lost all of it. My job, my career my home and my family and Ill be dammed if I’m going to silence my heart and soul now.
I just received word that I’ve been accepted into a local art co-op. 4 floors of prime down town retail, commercial and loft living space. A place that is positioning its self at the edge of creating an new feel a new scene thriving and ready to make Art believable again. Any person can put brush to canvas, lead to paper and glue a stone to a ring. But only a few can create through there passion to express that love, fear and strength through their art. So again I say…to you.
Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have… No… life is not easy for any of us. But if I can live through the things I’ve seen, done and had happen to me then you can too. I believe in you. I’ve seen your strength, beauty and passion.
That’s all I’ve to say. Namaste Benjamin 1970-current “A life in progress”
So often when I paint I let things flow, I’ve spoken about it a number of times. I do believe that there is a relationship between the paint and I. It’s not always about me imposing my will upon the piece but a true symbiotic relationship between the paint and I. I’ve been up since 2:30a after catching a few hours of sleep last night. I must say I’m very excited to bring you today’s update. Yes there are still messy edges that need to be refined, and most of the work thus Farrah’s been to the upper half of the piece. I think she’s getting to a point where true nature is coming through. So please let me introduce a work in progress From the My Girl Collection:
Ink and acrylic
I’m going to show a number of shots some maybe similar just with a different light source.
I have to admit this morning as I dragged myself off the couch and into the studio I wasn’t sure if I could do it today. Parkinson’s has taken away a great deal of range of motion and arm strength especially when it concerns holding my arms upright. Not to mention physically gripping the brush for a long period of time. As I started in my arm ached, hips pulsed with pain and a few times I simply sat and looked at her thinking how….how can I do this? Well as always, one moment at a time and slowly but surely she started to come together. My hope is to have her completed before I leave for England this Friday, we’ll just have to see hoe it goes. I do want to take a few moments and thank each and every one of you, especially those who take the time to comment, over the past 3 years I’ve almost given up a number of times but because I’m a stubborn Irish bastard and I have the support of everyone here I haven’t. So thank you, thank you for helping me keep my dream alive. I know that if my dad was alive he’d be proud. As always be brave….be bold…and thrive in the life you have
I’d like to say I’ve been out and about shaking the art world to its very chore, but I’m not sure it has a singular core any more and I’m pretty sure it would take more than me writing to you from the comfort of my sleeping couch.
Though today has been a magical day of sorts. I enjoyed the early dawn hours alone outside and alone in my studio. I painted on one whilst preparing to say good bye to another. My Girl ~ Venus in Blue
Join me in saying good bye.
My Girl~Venus in Blue leaves tomorrow .
She’ll be missed, but I’d rather spread joy than own a piece of my own work.
I was also able to simply spend some time enjoying the studio here are a couple of pics you’d never see unless you were to come over at 1,2,3am.
A little morning music by candle light , always nice.
At this stage with the next My Girl series I’m just doing the color blocking and basic shading. In pieces like this hundreds of hour can be spent doing just shading. Once the lower half get to a good point I’ll start figuring out how I’d like the back ground to fit into the piece. Thankfully in doing so it will give definition and depth to the foreground form. There is still a ton of charcoal shading lines that I’ve not washed off so please excuse the roughness of the edges. Also the introduction of the background will fix the fuzzed line. Well I started my new meds today and I must say they’re pretty strong for me at least, clonozapam. It’s going to take some time to get adjusted to this as it makes me really really sleepy. But on the plus side I’ve only taken 2 of the 6-8 Percocet I usually take a day. Okay well it’s time for dinner around here soon going to disappear for a quick minute.
Much love and light to all.