Everyday I sit and try to make time to write or post updates on the adventures of my life. Yet there never seems to be enough time. I paint and live, socialize, volunteer and do consulting work not to mention try to have some sort of private life, sometimes I think I should just have a video camera attached to my hat lol… But then nobody really wants to see details of a crazy painters life..
Lately my PD has been fighting me at every turn. Honestly it feels like my symptoms are changing again and I’m not sure I’m ready for that reality yet.
Anyhow enough of all the depressing stuff, everybody has their own demons. I can’t remember if I have shared the Gallery Showing I had this last Wednesday. If I hadn’t please take a quick look at a few pics from the evening.
Since then I’ve been working on a few smaller “test” pieces this first photo is an example piece o what I would like to do on a large scale.
Here I’m trying to work with less texturing but give what texture does exists a more bold and defined look which I think will look very striking in a much larger form.
This next piece is a practice in warm and bold colours, sand, fire, sun, stone.
I have a third and fourth piece I’m working on as well but I’m not ready to share them at this point, soon though.
Well time is slipping by as w speak so I must bid you adieu for the time being. Until we meet again. Please remember to be Brave, be Bold and Thrive in the life you have.
Much love and light.
“A life in progress”
Some of you know where this piece comes from some may not but I can guarantee that I wish I didn’t. Many of you know this last April I separated from my wife and was forced to leave my home and children. During this process I gave my my trust away when I shouldn’t have and got hurt. I have to take some responsibility but as in all scenarios it takes two to tango.
I’m left now feeling more broken and rejected than I have in any time in my 44 years on this planet. I will not go into details out of respect for myself and all involved. Please enjoy the next images as a part of my healing process.
Above the close ups.
This piece was intentionally painted as one piece with the knowledge that I would break it in half at the seem.
(2) 12″ x 12″ birch panels
2014 Benjamin A life in limbo
In times of great worry I find myself retreating to the one place I have left where I feel moderately in control, my studio. Life has been so physically and emotionally full these past few weeks I feel as though I’ve reached the end of my rope… Yet there’s more rope to climb. Always another step to take, word to write or hand to shake.
I am honored and humbled each day by the well wishes of others words of hope and promise for a brighter day. For that I am thankful. Today I think I’ll be locking myself in the studio to find guidance in angels
She has since been primed reinforced and waits for paint as I wait for her voice.
Until we meet again, I hope the world greets you with open arms. That you are able to smile with ease and feel joy in your hearts today, I will be searching for mine.
What woeful sorry clenches
Heavy hearts, borrowed strength
Fails these shaken and quaken hands today.
Tears stream like rivers
Gush from there beds
Cresting high above the banks they belong.
Commons thoughts elude
Only heart strings sing these songs
Of sorrows joy
What minstrel plays these things in me
Given curse to this lack of chemicals
Natures cruel joke
Such teasing seems unkind
Blood ties and promises hides eyes from broken Benjamin to leave me in my corner, gone from my sight
I write these verse to cure my wounds
licking my paws clean
Rotten sugar fed potatoes fill my souls holes
but leak from every sour face a make.
Enough….. Enough of this……..
Please forgive my darkness, overt your eyes if I cause you pain. Read no more these words of re broken man who lets himself wallow in this place of lost souls. Sometimes all of my armor fails me and I’m left with me…. Only me… Scared….tired painter,poet and
man past his prime. I can’t feel my legs but my eyes see them as I sit outside.
The words come faster than my feeble hand can find the keys on this dark and thunderous night.
Chased by lightening I search the sky for it’s color show of brilliant certain death and power. Such a brilliant light.
Then gone in a flash like the dreams of a child swept away by the currents of a bigger day.
Candle light in the fire pit holds back the chill, my coffee hot,fresh strong. Pain has found me again sitting alone as I do every morning in dawns night. Waiting thinking of what the day will bring or won’t bring.
As a small child I would sit on the rolling hills of our farm and watch the storms come in, so electric, it would make your stomach knot and hairs stand on end then explode with a passionate fury across the country side. You could smell the ions change flavor in the dark knowing exactly when to run like hell for shelter. I wish I could still run……
Gone are the days of green pasture, simple wishes of a late night fire. Warm blankets replaced by pills and pain. Shakes and quakes shuffling old men at dawn down long hallways to find tiny fucking pills made by men in suites and private planes.
~~ Dawns sorrow drips from heaven
Coating all it’s seas
Giving back what it’s taken over time
Children run and play in the warm
Tears of our earth
Lightening finds its lost love coaxing tendrils from the ground only to leave in a instant
Clouds crash like cars on the motorway
Loud and fierce only to fade into the sun.
Gone are the days of my youth
This shell grows tired of life’s game
The mundane the proof of greatness
Every great hall I see contains pictures of me done by another hand and we all
Cry boo who, I could have should have done that.
Wasted wanten nights of paint and prose scattered into eternity all for not.
But the entertainment of others. I a mad man left to his own devices would have left this place long ago. If not for a small voice that pulled me from my darkest place.
Sleep well sweet child for the sun comes and soon will call your name to once again join the ranks of men and mice.
“Shine on you crazy diamond”
Always looking, never finding…. Forever searching……