When there is nothing left to give…….

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What do we do when there nothing left to give? How do we find the strength to carry on? I feel like I’ve hit a wall, a giant huge freaking wall. But why? you may ask, Seems like things are going great right? Well maybe to the outside eyes. I’m a painter right? well ive painted 1 painting in the past month for me a guy who has enough creative energy to paint more than my body will allow one small painting is worthless. I don’t even have time to think these days it’s literally get up take pills get dressed and go and that’s if I’ve even slept. I feel like I don’t even have time for the people I need to keep close in my life that do give me strength. I have reached the end of my strength. We just found out that M’s mom needs to have surgery gallbladder removed ASAP, our family in Chicago one of them has just been diagnosed with Leukemia and the other was brutally attacked by a deer. Yes a deer, i know it sounds funny but when a 250+ buck sticks his horns through you it’s not a pretty thing. This buck destroyed 3 rooms of their home before they were able to open the garage and get it out but not before causing great physical damage to both the person in the home and the deer.

I’m trying so hard to be so many things for so many people, I honestly don’t know how I can continue. Its funny I give advice all the time about compartmentalized and relaxing. Looking for the bright and shiny in life. But I am done..Lost in my selfmade hell. On that note I will wish all of you well and see you when I see you. May life be kind to you and you to it. I’ll try to post when I can but I’ve gone to a very dark place in my head and heart a place I don’t share and a place (here) that I can no longer share all because of unworthy eyes.

Until another day

B.

IEeny meeny miny moe,………Part 2

Good morning and happy monday from the great pacific northwest. Id like to personally thak all of you who took the time to comment on the first half of this post. As pasrt one said tbc here is the second half. The painting that most folks mentioned are pretty much the one I figured would be voted for. I figured we would look at a couple more just for giggles but honestly I think most of the really really good ones have already been purchased. Seems like its time for me to get busy painting 😉
These are the current most voted for pieces:

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Here are a couple more pieces Ive been thinking about submitting

 

3 color abstract sunset / rise

3 color abstract sunset / rise

Autumns Passing

Autumns Passing

Pi~Guy and the Cowboy

Pi~Guy and the Cowboy

To be honest Im not sure what pieces Im going to go with, They have to be framed and they have to be 36″ x 48″ at the largest. If they let me submitt pieces that at that size prior to being framed the I’ll submitt These 3 no question if not then im unsure:

Angels and Demons

Angels and Demons

Youth

Youth

Ribbons #1

Ribbons #1

Right then its time for me to get this day going. I have the pleasure of having lunch with a very dear friend today and Im taking the day off from the Farm house. I managed to pull most of the muscles surrounding my ribs on the right side a couple days ago and yeah it hurts like crazy so im more than happy to take the day, plus normal life stuff calls I need to go to the market and prepare a menu for the week.

As always, Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have.
Much love and light.
Benjamin
2013

Change and Stuff

Good day, I hope your all doing well and enjoying this fine day on planet earth. I’m not sure whats in store for me today but I must say my head is so full of everything right now im finding it hard to do anything. I need to run some donations to a local place here shortly, i also need to get the rest of the tags up for the show down town. I think the stress of traveling and moving and hanging a show in such close succession is (was) a bad idea. I’m finding myself not painting or writing much. I’ve fallen back in with that damn monster fatigue, My arch nemeses, I do hate him so. Ive been stretching and working out everyday and I still feel like crap. They say its because of the way my brain has changed due to the PD that I or my brain interprets pain diffrently, what ever it is its kind of a bummer 😀 Ive just today added some more things to all the “shops”

Print Shop

http://wp.me/P2ASdI-29R

Gallery 1

http://wp.me/P2ASdI-nt

Gallery 2

http://wp.me/P2ASdI-2

Well I think we should look at some art and get on with the day, its just about 10a here and Ive a ton of stuff im not doing that needs to be attended to:

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A piece we havent seen in a long time

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Sabbia is still one of my favs, though im not sure why. I think its because it was done when i finally started to come to terms with my PD like I was trying to explain to someone the other day. Accepting a thing for what it is doesn’t mean that one has given up, it simply means they’ve (ive) come to terms with , Progressive, incurable, degenerative, three words you really never want to hear in the same sentence especially when its directed at one self. But it is what it is. Anyhow i have a cat how’s trying to invade the keyboard so i must be on my way.

Much love.

Benjamin

2013

“As I lay me down to sleep” ~Completed

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I hope you slept well and thanks for stopping by, in my reality on this rock it’s just past 1am pst and I woke from a very strange dream and thought that maybe just this very second was the time and place to introduce the world to the final rendition of this piece. Again thank you truly and deeply for all you do and give to the existence of this painter. Enjoy:

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Yes the darn glare from my one light. Some close ups:

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Funny thing about this piece is there’s actually tons of blue in it but depending on the light and angle you may get more greens and yellows or blues and turquoise.

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Many thanks for your time I appreciate you coming by I’m going to see if I can’t catch a couple more hours of sleep my self.

Namaste
Benjamin
2013
As I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep;
if I die before I wake,
I pray for Lord my soul to take.
** I was raised by the first word being I instead of now.

Updated things and stuff

Yes again I have actually sat down at a real computer and started to updated my Gallery sites. For those looking to see a larger collection of work please follow the link to Gallery 2 the Sold and Not for sale section. Gallery 1 for sale stuff has been updated as well and will also be recievig more TLC in the hours to follow.

Gallery 2

http://wp.me/P2ASdI-2

Gallery 1

http://wp.me/P2ASdI-nt

I have PT today so I’m usure of how much actual painting I will be able to get done this afternoon, should anything cool happen you can bet I’ll be here to share it with all.

Much Love and light

Benjamin

2013