There was no tunnel
There was no light
I waited like you said
No light ever came
It didn’t get easier, for that is how I’m made.
My job to feel, my mission to protect mine, yours.
Theirs it didn’t matter.
My job is to serve, protect, provide and guide.
Or so I thought……
Then the great train came and took me away.
I road for hours, that turned into days that stretched for a thousand, thousand life times.
The horror of human kind,
mothers that left their babies roadside to die, with notes that smelled of flowers and the fathers that stood by and watched.
Sin eaters that bellies shrank as their pockets grew fat with greed.
All the while I walked because I was told to.
“Keep moving forward” the sign in my head said. So I did, with no question and pride. I moved on through he, she , me and we and I kept moving until the darkness grew deep……….
So deep I fact it stopped me….
The darkness had found me…
This time it wasn’t letting go. I cried and I tried and watched as we died. But the darkness would not could move for it was mine to stay.
Until I myself asked it to go away.
Then on the darkest of day on the coolest of Summer’s nights you came to me. Turned on the brightest of light this dog dog could ever see. A machine of living proof dressed in the elegant shades of grey. Adorned it Silver and black.
You carried the light for with I seek a reason to rise again a reason to speak. The better parts of me know that I can truly see. The darkness wasn’t you….
It was always simply a part of me.
“A life in progress” **Stories from the Great Train
There was a time that you loved me.
When the look in your eyes spoke of passion and wonder.
A time nights became days
And sunsets blended to sunrises
What seemed like days of talking and walking..
Then life came to play and the demons peaked from the shadows
Yours, mine it didn’t seem to matter
Anymore who’s they were they were always there.
Now you don’t look into my eyes
The loves not behind what I see
only lies lurk, hidden truths fearful to leave the lips as they though just being words can kill this love…
Whispered thoughts of do I dare I?
Echoes of silence cloud my mind as slip back into the streaming thoughts and letters that fall from the sky….
Falling, failing, father forgive me.
“A life in progress.”
** A piece about sorrows and insecurity, deceit and love.
Just words put together in no specific order.Not a reflection of my current life.
Please remember to keep love in your heart always for the darkest nights can be warmed be its unseen fire.
Many of you know about some of the most private details of my life at this point..
Some of you would even say I’ve over shared…
I guess that’s the beauty of what happens here we all have a choice. To come together under a common bond and share the joys and
sorrows of each others lives. Some to comment, some to watch from the shadows and judge. Either way I made a decision when I first started
blog to be open. Many people forget that this site didn’t start as an Art blog but as my personal journal cataloging my life and struggles with coming to
terms with Young Onset Parkinson’s disease. This journey has taken me around the united states and abroad I’m happy to say I’ve shared every step along the ways, the good the bad and the very ugly personal truths of my life that in reality many of us share in common but would never put out there the way I do.
I’ve said it before and Ill stand by it. I’m a man, no different than any other with the slight exception that I paint and write my heart and soul for all to see. I end 99% of my posts with a kind word. And I pose some hard questions and thoughts because I believe that one man and one voice can change the world.
Art and words have lost their meaning and I will not stand for it another second. For if YOU will not Be Brave and Be Bold or Thrive in the life you have….. I will. If given the chance I would take your hand and shout your name from the roof tops to show the world your brilliance and compassion. Live your words or don’t use them at all. At this point I’ve lost all of it. My job, my career my home and my family and Ill be dammed if I’m going to silence my heart and soul now.
I just received word that I’ve been accepted into a local art co-op. 4 floors of prime down town retail, commercial and loft living space. A place that is positioning its self at the edge of creating an new feel a new scene thriving and ready to make Art believable again. Any person can put brush to canvas, lead to paper and glue a stone to a ring. But only a few can create through there passion to express that love, fear and strength through their art. So again I say…to you.
Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have… No… life is not easy for any of us. But if I can live through the things I’ve seen, done and had happen to me then you can too. I believe in you. I’ve seen your strength, beauty and passion.
That’s all I’ve to say. Namaste Benjamin 1970-current “A life in progress”
A lonely heart yearns for what it has not.
But a calm place to rest the head and heart.
A space that let’s the soul sing and the knights fire come alive.
Tis but a place in books and the memory of men that this hollow heart once remembers.
Given such days of love and want.
Gone with each passing moment does a dying man find comfort in small word of black and white.
It rained again and I thought of you alone in the mirror wondering how and why..
How and why has this loathsome ache replaced the beating heart.
Has not love filled it’s chambers a thousand times for a thousand years.
I give you love not written in paper nor sung in song but eternal in the knights sky for he and me are I
Given such secrets does a heart long for a gentle place to rest it’s wing from a story unwritten yet acted out a thousand time across a millennia.
I’ve spoken your name in tongues long forgotten and carried your heart with mine for a thousand years.
These sands of time hold no measure on the love of a wandering knight given curse to hold passion so deep. Through paint an prose so the story goes. I’ll wait for you on the other side.