nightmares

I’m raising $5,000 until 03/14/2022 for DBS (deep brain stimulation) surgery, lodging and expenses. Can you help? https://www.paypal.com/pools/c/8HiA8W26xM

April 4th I check in at the imaging department at OHSU. On the 5th I rest and finish any and all last minute life stuff. The next day on the 6th of April I have my official surgery. I stay in the hospital overnight, then assuming all goes well a few days later they insert my power pack, then 2-3 weeks later I get plugged in and tuned up. They’ve provided 3 days worth of housing free of charged which is a blessing indeed . Unfortunately the who process is two surgeries and a recommended 30 day healing and stabilization period. These donations will go directly to the lodging and direct care that OHSU and insurance doesn’t cover. Any and all donations are impactful and I can’t express my gratitude and thanks for all of you. Please share the link even if you can’t help monitarily . All things done with love and light will be successful. Always and with some luck, science and faith I’ll see you all on the other side of this. If not please remember to always be brave be bold and thrive in the life you have.

B-2022

*** often in the course of my day 6,7,8 times a day I am overwhelmed by emotion and thought. I call it “med-head” it’s a result of the Parkinson’s medication I take and I must say it’s just as bad as having PD. I’ve reached stage 2-3 in my pd progression making it harder to articulate my emotions through spoken word, see, pd effects muscle control and as a human we use or voice box, throat and diaphragm to control the tone of our voice… Well I don’t really have that anymore nor do I have the ability to consistently hear my own tone of voice. In crowds of people I end up being silent where once I was “the host” of the show. It pretty much sucks.
Reference source:
http://www.pdf.org/en/speech_problems_pd
Anyhow below is not other than a random string of thoughts, emotions and ideas tied to literally thousands of thoughts and emotions stemming from millions of “blips” that wander through my head. Cheers.
B.

Into what darkness does this once shining light go?
Or will it’s thoughts of what was consume the very makeup of it’s foundation?
Stuck….
Falling…….
Return….. Slip again…
Morals what are they if not a code to live by….?
Choices so many of them. I think life should come in multiple choice
Path A: a lifetime of working
Path B: a life of adventure
Path C: free spin 😉
Tired… So tired of the monster, so tired of the child…. So tired of the fear and pain and insecurities of life.
Whore…..
Why…..
Hate….
Sick…….
Tired…..
Alone……
Broken…….
Afraid ………
All strong words that come with strong emotions. The trust we give a person when we had them our hearts is immense. We are saying here I am for all I’m worth and all I’ve done to be here today. For better or worse I am a collage of all the things I’ve experienced. It’s a very vulnerable state~
Naked…..
Raw….
Truth…..
Hard…….
Afraid…..
Words come and go like the people in our lives…..
Some we like more than others, some we like a lot until we find out their inner secrets, demons and some we like more…….