How does one begin to write the story of a lifetime of happiness and joy. A lifetime rich with experiences most people will never have, from a perspective that most people will never truly fathom the depths to whence i traveled to tell these tales of work and Joy. The loss that I’ve experienced at the hands of others and the cost of trial and error of medications Durning the first few years of my diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease.
To know now what I’d soon learn in life, that Parkinson’s was going to be the least of my troubles. Shortly after my diagnosis of PD, my marriage ended as do 85% of the marriages that encounter PD. Then just a few years later I’d get the news of metastatic throat cancer,stage four and be given 25% chance of life. Cancer… The things they don’t tell you. They don’t tell you that most of your friends won’t show up. In fact most will silently worry in their own ways or they’ll block you out of their minds until one of two things happen, you die or heal. Cancer, what can I say. I almost wish it had killed me. After 6 weeks of radiation and chemo treatment, after 10 weeks or cumulative radiation damage only two weeks after my treatment ends I receive the news. That my last grandmother was in the process of dying. So instead of minding my health I did what I would like to think any grandson would do in this situation. I flew to her bedside in Nevada until she passed. This passing as all are was hard. It was a deep pain felt in the soul of our entire family. As life does in course of us all it continues, for me I still had more loss to suffer before I’d find my way home or atleast closer to what I had left of one.
Little did I know that being without a family during the healing process of cancer would be one of the biggest mistakes of my life to be continued….
7:45;When I’m not actually communicating my brain is fine. When talking though is another story. I’m thinking 409 times faster than my body can process so I lose the ability to effectively communicate or properly execute basic daily tasks, make. Literally overwhelmed visually and audittoraly. Phone calls, schedule tasks, plan, cook, it pretty much sucks butt. There ya go. Life with Parkinson’s disease. Here’s the thing folks, Parkisons disease is a rough one. Nobody knows what’s next, some ppl with PD simply die 😂 really just randomly. Some live long happy lives. Some like me get it young and then it gets interesting. See at my age and skill set I’ve been able to chronicle the madness that is PD. From a strong healthy family man, business leader and community NPO advocate to a bewildered, confused post cancer, advanced now 9 years later with PD. Dementia creeping it’s ugly f#+ker of a face in the shadows. Yes I’ve been lucky to have been able to share my story. To share what it’s like to be torn apart by a society that doesn’t believe in taking care of it’s own, being dis valued by a society that says not fixable is unwanted and unworthy of fair and compassionate judgment. I’m tired and in the middle of what will hopefully be my last rollercoaster for a while. Left high amongst the precipus of a breaking wave told to have faith one last time. This time I’ve truly committed my soul and every last fiber of my being to. I have nothing left to give. No vial ke future to see or dreams to jave that are dependant upon others. So…. Yeah… Parkisons disease sucks. Be kind to each other as the days go by in the end the thought of dying alone is terrifying.
For now and until next time. Over and out
Sneek peek of works in progress and lots more to come
Frustrated with life and myself. Agnosia. I had to look it up but it explains a great deal of whats going on with my perception of things and it helps me come to terms with some of my choices over the last 5-6 years. My life prior to PD and Cancer was calm. I went to work i played with kids and talked with my wife. Family dinners, shopping adventures. It was a great life except it wasn’t all me. The kids, the love and life was real but i sacrificed my own selfworth and lost myself Benjamin Micheal Prewitt in the process. Since “everything” went south I’ve been learning or trying to learn as much as possible about myself and who I really am and what i want to be with the last of my life
Heres a piece that needs one more coat…? Or does it? The story of my life always wanting to push things to the next level when in reality…. Maybe, just maybe everything is fine and im overly sensitive. Or maybe i just have have higher standards than the masses. Idk im just grumpy people disappoint me. I disappoint me.