There was no tunnel
There was no light
I waited like you said
No light ever came
It didn’t get easier, for that is how I’m made.
My job to feel, my mission to protect mine, yours.
Theirs it didn’t matter.
My job is to serve, protect, provide and guide.
Or so I thought……
Then the great train came and took me away.
I road for hours, that turned into days that stretched for a thousand, thousand life times.
The horror of human kind,
mothers that left their babies roadside to die, with notes that smelled of flowers and the fathers that stood by and watched.
Sin eaters that bellies shrank as their pockets grew fat with greed.
All the while I walked because I was told to.
“Keep moving forward” the sign in my head said. So I did, with no question and pride. I moved on through he, she , me and we and I kept moving until the darkness grew deep……….
So deep I fact it stopped me….
The darkness had found me…
This time it wasn’t letting go. I cried and I tried and watched as we died. But the darkness would not could move for it was mine to stay.
Until I myself asked it to go away.
Then on the darkest of day on the coolest of Summer’s nights you came to me. Turned on the brightest of light this dog dog could ever see. A machine of living proof dressed in the elegant shades of grey. Adorned it Silver and black.
You carried the light for with I seek a reason to rise again a reason to speak. The better parts of me know that I can truly see. The darkness wasn’t you….
It was always simply a part of me.
“A life in progress” **Stories from the Great Train
Into the night I’ve cast a song of love and loss a thousand time for a thousand souls.
Tonight the crickets came and sang once again their song of change
A tunes sung and heard only by those who have know love and know loss.
Tonight a white dove sailed the skies with my crows and I cried and wept like a child as the tears of remembrance came in waves.
I could listen to the stories we tell a thousand times yet I feel we’ve yet touch to the surface of the great depth of freedom from a spiritual hell created by a thousands of years of healing the dead, loving the loveless and holding mirrors for blind princesses.
In the wake of your presences I create and think. Charge myself for another day of challenge and fortitude.
Though now I know that the path is not as I sought but is what I seek.
can I tell you a secret you already know.
Your words have power for making things grow as fast as the seeds of knowledge can sow.
My love you must feed the children with all of your thoughts and all of your graces
For these are the humans that will carry our faces.
Then came the light, the spark and fire that drove me stop these thoughts of desire.
For I have been shown what the way is to be. That joy is the butterfly named after me. My job is to catch her and then set her free as good mothers and fathers always should be.
If I gave you my heart would you tare it apart? Could you, would you know what to do with a love so tender and true.From this I have seen and what could it mean that our actions speak louder than words. Or shall it be said that whispers in bed fall upon deaf ears by daylights dawn.
A pawn I’ll not be for if I’m set free then that will be that and the last of me you’ll see.
For a fool I am not nor do I ask of a lot
Just simply to be held in your heart.
You hide behind your broken wings taking only what you want when you need it.
Leaving a wake a hurt and confusion in your path.
All in the name of reclamation of self
All in the name of I can and me first.
Sadly when the dust settles I’ll be gone
And you’ll have missed out on the joy and happiness
I had to share, the undying love and need to nurture and care for you
To build you up and carry you when you were weak
That will all be gone as you’ve left me in the ashes
There was a time that you loved me.
When the look in your eyes spoke of passion and wonder.
A time nights became days
And sunsets blended to sunrises
What seemed like days of talking and walking..
Then life came to play and the demons peaked from the shadows
Yours, mine it didn’t seem to matter
Anymore who’s they were they were always there.
Now you don’t look into my eyes
The loves not behind what I see
only lies lurk, hidden truths fearful to leave the lips as they though just being words can kill this love…
Whispered thoughts of do I dare I?
Echoes of silence cloud my mind as slip back into the streaming thoughts and letters that fall from the sky….
Falling, failing, father forgive me.
“A life in progress.”
** A piece about sorrows and insecurity, deceit and love.
Just words put together in no specific order.Not a reflection of my current life.
Please remember to keep love in your heart always for the darkest nights can be warmed be its unseen fire.
I can’t even begin to express
This feeling that crushes
And burns in my chest.
It claws at my heart and tears
At my brain
slowly it breaks me
and drives me insane.
These tears that flow,
show no signs
Of slow nor stopping any time soon. I’ve loved you forever
and over the moon.
Yes… Your my everything
and my in between
your are my heart before it fell apart and made me this
thing I’ve become.
I’ll love you forever
for you are my blood
You carry my name and the next
Chance to be,
a better man, father
and person than me….
I love and miss you my boy with every breath I take.