Today… It draws closer to the time of the year again where I miss you most of all. The chill comes to the ground again as the leaves have almost all gone. Every Sunday for years you were mine, now I’m not even sure where you are. Sadly life wasn’t what we thought it would be. Nor has it been ever since. The Parkinson disease came and changed it all. Then cancer came and scared you away. In this life i feel ive done it all. No the dieing time has come. God or Allah, Krishna or Buddha and Gai,whom ever name you use in honor your faith has begun to take all of it away and that which hasn’t been taken im giving away freely. I’ve been humbled completely i have a roof a bed and some health insurance.. Bankruptcy looms as Cigna takes their sweet time turning what was one of my worst nightmares into a reality. Shame on they’re houses. I’m tired and I’ve lost hope. Slowly im trying to just breath, cant pay the bills, just wsiting dfor life to finally consume me whole and spit out the bones and ben done with me. I wish i knew what path to take
Agnosia and Parkinson’s Anxiety have start to settle in the Agnosia being the largest hurdle I’ve met yet with PD… Imagine every choice in your life being taken from you. Nothing feels anymore its all grey or gone no joys and hatered… Just grey piles. And piles of grey emotionless pain… I know its pain because i can see it in their eyes. Your eyes looking at me as i change… As this disease blinds and drags me through time. All I have is faith now. I saved by an Angels when i was young, saved from drownding, then again as a teen, so many times. Freezing to death and car crashes. Cancer as an adult. Now virtually friendless and unforgiven by many who would rather judged than do their homework. But hey its okay right. I’m just another human male. Broken and useless to a society that lives on looks and money. Both of which for me are fading or in jeopardy.. This life has given so much more than it has taken for a man can not live on memories alone especially with PD. Parkinson’s disease only takes. It changes daily and crushes my soul and body relentlessly. I have grown tired today.. On any given Sunday you could have shoukd have been with me.
There you are so far away now yet still my soul feels your heart beating. I feel the tears rolling down your cheeks. The silent sobs in the shower.
All so farway yet pounding in my heart, mind and soul. Why did leave so swiftly in the night? Such butterfly kisses wound deeply now. Each breath burns and chokes as your tears fall through time from your heart to mine. Forevermore to scar my heart.
I wobble when I walk and
Mumble when I talk.
I follow a path that’s been previously laid, by choices and voices the deaf ears of Parkinson’s made.
I’ve a voice that betrays the things that I say and ears that are silent to the tones that they say.
I freeze in my gait which is a step for those in the dark.
A trip and a slip is a walk in the park but don’t ever ask for me to not wiggle, its something I do for I’m stuck in the middle,
of being forced to move by mans little pills and ordered to freeze by gods very will.
So will happen to this corpse slowly made, I’ve fended off cancer and live with the shakes my friendships have left me for they’ve had all they could take.
Can’t t blame them I guess for its had to take
a voice that varies with sounds that it makes for they come from a face that tragically says something that’s different than what the voice has said.
Confusing it must be to live life by choice, to believe me is hard
when you only listen to my voice.
You’ve forgotten to know me and listen to the motions
this body makes with grand little notions.
Here let me take care of the little things in life,
so you can focus on keeping yours nice.
I’ve given up on dreams for mine get lost or frozen or are simply just dust. My actions will prove.
I’m a quality man,
if you learn to listen from
your heart not your head
then you’ll hear me quite simply
if you just listen instead.
Of looking for meanings that are lost in the dark for my friends I rather simply
I speak from my heart.