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On a night just like this.

On a night just like this the stars shown for us.
Brighter than the anything we’d…..ever seen.
Long walks in fall as the leaves changed.
Followed by winters warmed by the fire.
Gently snow drifts down as softlights guide,;bright lights into springs hands as the body renews and life begins again. Slow at first with just buds of the future showing clear and strong.

Then into growth with branches clear and clean. Woven mysteries like tapestries drift from the northern lights to my heart. Each pulse a beacon of strength and knowing that I am never truly alone in this world.

On a night just like this I forgave myself for loving you and for you never loving me. That is why on a night just like this the stars shown for just me, for I am as you are and we shall forever be lost in time, misplaced but mine no more lost and forgotten as the hummingbirds have left the hillside and now I follow only my heart. Adieu.

Words have never been so bitter sweet as if spoken from a place looking down in shame.i am forever grateful for this life be it ending or flourish for a thousand more.
I shall speak of this no more.

Benjamin. 2016 

My life after you…. 

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And then there was none.

I’ve grown tired of these fickle feelings. These lights I see that seem so bright from the distance dim so greatly as I approach.
Some want things,some want condolences to give or it take.
Some want to stand close to the fire.
But all get burned
There’s only been one to step fully in that light, but that fire has diminished to coals and burning ember tossed in the yard left to die.
There’s always lights in the distances it just seems my eyes and heart have grown week enough to not care . Bruised and beaten from trying to hard. Jaded and sharp from trying to play a game I’ve forgotten years ago.
I’ve grown tired and the Stars have grown dim.
Once I cared to much now these pains and cancers of this earth are slowly jading me taking little bits each time like birds of prey coming to pick the carcass clean. I yearn for the comfort of your hand on my back as I rest,  the sound of your heart against mine,  these are all dreams gone floating in the distance past. Just memories of dreams lost or ruined by time.  

The end of morning words. 

B. 2016
“A life in progress.”
I’ll walk this path along  if I must but I will leave scorched earth behind to remind all that to give up on hope and love is to give up on life itself.

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Escorts and Ascots~

If I gave you my heart would you tare it apart? Could you, would you know what to do with a love so tender and true.From this I have seen and what could it mean that our actions speak louder than words. Or shall it be said that whispers in bed fall upon deaf ears by daylights dawn.

A pawn I’ll not be for if I’m set free then that will be that and the last of me you’ll see.

For a fool I am not nor do I ask of a lot

Just simply to be held in your heart.
You hide behind your broken wings taking only what you want when you need it.

Leaving a wake a hurt and confusion in your path.

All in the name of reclamation of self 

All in the name of I can and me first.

Sadly when the dust settles I’ll be gone

And you’ll have missed out on the joy and happiness 

I had to share, the undying love and need to nurture and care for you

To build you up and carry you when you were weak

That will all be gone as you’ve left me in the ashes 

and broken pieces you left behind 

B~

Originally written 6/5/15

Rewritten 5/24/16

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For my son….

I can’t even begin to express
This feeling that crushes
And burns in my chest.
It claws at my heart and tears
At my brain
slowly it breaks me
and drives me insane.
These tears that flow,
show no signs
Of slow nor stopping any time soon. I’ve loved you forever
and over the moon.
Yes… Your my everything
and my in between
your are my heart before it fell apart and made me this
thing I’ve become.
I’ll love you forever
for you are my blood
You carry my name and the next
Chance to be,
a better man, father
and person than me….

I love and miss you my boy with every breath I take.
Love,
Dad.

8/30/2015

“A life in progress”
2015

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Dreams of a child

Dreams:
When I was I boy I traveled the stars
On a bed with wings and chocolate bars
I soared with angels and fought with demons, changed the weather controlled all the seasons

When I was a boy I wandered the desert and gazed at the sky
I turned into a bird and learned how to fly.
I sailed in the oceans and swallowed a sea
Found my true evil she looked just like me.

When I was a boy a dream I was a man stable and sturdy healthy and strong
Now I’m a man and dream as I may
Something was lost to a far younger day.

There was a calm that came across the morning sky as if all the angels has sung at once.
My heart and head rested in this silence guided by dulcet tones of calm.
Hues is blue, gold and green washed over me as if the palette of god painted my soul it self.
My body rested from its pain,tremor and twisted long enough to hear the angels sing.
A gift of serenity, peace and calm I will cherish through out the day.

*** today was a hard day.
B.