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Wiggles~When passion looses compassion.

Hi, thanks for stopping in.Well I kinda like to call it the wiggles it sounds better than tremor or dyskinesia. Another day up 3am slept from 4p-3a I guess this is kinda my way hiding from the world. When I’m asleep I’ve a chance to sort it all out, hopefully wake up refreshed. As funny as it sounds I’m dreading going back to my house. Not so much because I’ll be alone but because I’m afraid of the wrath of a scorned woman. No offense ladies you know I love ya but y’all can get a little destructive.
See mostly guys are silly and reactive. A guy will say fine be a bitch. A woman on the other hand will go into another room and drop your favorite coffee cup of 25yrs down stairs, say oh baby I’m sorry what we’re talking about,(evil grin)
**FICTIONAL STORY*** really just making a point. So yeah I’m a bit timid when it comes to going home tomorrow.
I think the worst part about this whole experience is well obviously that everyone involved got hurt in some way. That’s never ever okay. But so many things were said and done wrong, misinterpreted or just plain ignored. I guess that’s what happens when passion looses compassion. I tell ya it’s F’ing horrible. Any how. My dear friends who have been keeping me safe during this month are back from their east coast trip so know I’ve someone I can chat with face to face and for me that huge. I’ve always been a very visual and have a really hard time interpreting text conversations. So having real humans to hug and speak to see key for me right now. Throughout most of this month I’ve had to make some serious choices without the one person I’d grown close to. Life, sheesh kicking my ass these days. Any here’s a bit paint and an almost done “Angel Heart”

These piece of  wood was chosen specificly for its gain pattern painted and textured against the grain hives natural depth changes and I feel adds to the organic look I wanted for this piece. I keep going right back to a Japanese pottery techniques that uses gold inlay but I have to do it at the right time or the depth won’t be righy. Anyhow I’m rambling. 

Much love and light.
Benjamin
“A life on hold”
2016

“If I feel in love with you,would you promise to be true….

I’m fearful of loving for I bare my soul to quickly.
I search to deeply and except
Less than I deserve .
For I feel I deserve nothing.
I feel nothing anymore at times
But fear of being alone in my bed,heart and soul.
But mostly I fear the deathlights
Coming and finding my hand empty  of love.
A heart cold from mistrust and
Tainted by the memories of my life
Forgotten as a child
Brutalized as a teen
Lost as a young man
And destroyed as grown man.
I try so hard yet fail time and again searching
for the answers of my life.

All I’ve ever wanted is to rest safely in the arms of my Angel
And simply rest my weary mind,heart and soul.
The end.

B.
2016
“My life and times.”
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Words~

As I’m left with the remnants of my day
Bits and pieces of my patch work memory
Some good, some bad, some just…
I’m left with a body broken an tired
Each piece screams for release from these borrowed bones
A Frankenstein of pills and prose
Sorrow filled woes of choices and voice pulling me apart like a sharks first feast.
Sleep…. Calls my name as the night creeps and the frogs sing, a chill to the nights air takes me places long forgotten and most missed
Of clear nights sky’s, laughter and lullabies.
Truths unspoken to the stars, warm fires and wishful kisses.
All gone to the dreams of a body that won’t last.
B~
Written 6/8/14

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Fluers & thoughts on life.

Good morning,afternoon and evening. It’s been a while since I’ve had the pleasure of saying that. It’s lovely to have you all here today. It’s a beautiful day here in the lovely Pacific Northwest. My neighborhood is full of really kind people. One of the reasons I love this home. As I sat this morning and chatted up the groups of neighbors walking up to the park. It reminded me to be thankful. To be thankful for the little things, big things and everything in between.

My Parkinson’s and med side effects have been really challenging over the last few months. Mix that with a divorce that became final,(on paper, in body and location it’s been years). I thought it would be easier to simply go forward but it’s surprising how much emotion,guilt and anguish got stirred up by having to relive mentally all the things that lead to the end of my 15 year marriage. I’ve no misconception as to why it ultimately ended. I put the final stake in the coffin. Regardless of reason, perception or excuse the action was mine and I’ll own that my entire life, but ya know that’s what being a grown up is about. Being able to admit your faults and how they do,could or can effect others,then owning your actions and decisions.Right ??

Anyhow enough of hat being a grown up bs, I wanna be a giant robot 😜😜😜. I’d like to be painting but well, honestly I’ve 2 more doses of PD Poison pills before these ridiculously tight tendons relax enough for me to move semi normally without a pain scale of 8. Okay random though then I promise pretty pictures. Read on FB today a post about pain. It was really generic and “PC” made me laugh. Mostly because I know some people including myself that literally live in stage 6-9 pain every second of everyday. I have a toe that send electric liquid fire pulses to and from my hips 10k a day and the only remedy science currently has is kill the nerve. So occasionally I giggle when I read pain posts. Thanks for he venting and chat this morning, it feels like years since I’ve all had a chance to just spill my brain out into cyberspace.

Now, onto the show. Many of these photos are from my backyard or within minutes walking distance from my home. I think all of these are from my Instagram page. Amongst all the madness of life,job,house,spouse, kids I know more than ever now how important it is to take time to smell the roses and appreciate beauty when it presents itself. Please enjoy these things as I see them.

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I could seriously download 1000’s of flower pictures LOL.
Well friends,family and countrymen I bid you adieu for the time being it’s time for me to go pretend I’ve any idea what I’m doing πŸ˜œπŸŽ¨πŸ˜œπŸ“ΈπŸ“ΈπŸ“Έ.
Wherever you are and whatever you’re doing I hope that love fills your heart and your fears find the door. My life guide you in peace and happiness always.
Benjamin.
2016
“A life in progress.”