How to see straight in a tilted world …*Just thoughts 21/03/2020

I think I’ve forgotten how to breathe or maybe the world has gone mad with crazy and now only the crazy people see straight? Truly in these days of madness all I hear and see on social media is tension, disregard, disrespect, disinformation and fear. Maybe it’s a reflection of how Ii feel the world is or the ways I see myself/ yourself in some way or ways I suppose a person of perspective could ponder it for a lifetime or many perhaps.

What I do know is that I don’t really like or understand so much much of it. The hate has no place, the fear though of what is with this virus. That fear and theses changes that are happening now and will continue to happen are real. They will force so many people to the reexamination of they are and what they need in their heart and souls to survive. I tried to send a warning to so many people about corvid-19 in January and was met with jokes and jabs about being to serious or that I was will informed or somehow that the human being that I am that’s trapped in the this fucking broken ass body is somehow less of a man, human ,father or damn good friend when a friend was in need. Well to those of you I hope you listened in some small part of your brain and prepare at least your mind for what’s to come.. There are not words in our language that can express my sorrow and heartbreak for humanity right now. Millions I human beings are dying and suffering right now. I pray with words only God knows and understands forbid all. I hope that if you are effected directly by this virus that you heal with golden light in abundance. For those who are not ill but effected which is ever single human being on this planet. This for you. May we all use this universal silence to break from bad habits of judgment and failures as a humanity. To re learn to look to own houses for support, to our neighbors for kindness . Let us remember the times when what a person had was there words and actions. And to those words and actions they would be held accountable in all truths. Let relearn to love in the way that love was meant to be.. To lift up one another in honor of each other and in honor of self. Not to sound like a preacher because I know far better than anyone’s wild dreams the creature I am. We need to remember that to love is to give, to give is to lift up not for personal gain but to truly be lifted with joy of self because another human has reached a greater place in life. Be that place a moment in time, a day, a week a year a lifetime . Each encounter we have with each other as humans does not have to be met with deflection of one another. We should meet each leesin and leave each person feeling more embraced more supported than before. Imagine that. Imagine a world where each person you met only wanted the best for you. If words were simple and straight.. like how are you. How can help you. Or can you help me please. Or imagine if what it was like when you saw someone in pain and just wanted their pain to stop and they let you help and that how it feels t know that that behavior is normal… Normal like first nature. First thought should never be run, hide, fear or anger. First thought should always be how, why, what can I do to make it better . In doing this act.. Something that in truth is often something so little as writing a lost like this to world begging each of you to please listen to your inner self. To that small voice that’s buried under all this stuff that life has out between us. To use this time of universal silence as a time to grow, to heal and to relearn what the dedication of true love and kindness is like.. I don’t edit these free though form thought posts so please don’t call the grammar and spelling police on me.

We’re all this life together and I’ve never left your side (s) never will. Though things have changed and I’m not the man I ever was, I’m something far greater and far less at the same time, and I think that it’s just okay with me. Be loved I love you. Be kind, be brave , be bold and thrive in the life you have, you never know when it’s going to change but change it will. Benjamin-2020

Once I wrote a word or two… Then more came to at hello.. these are for you.

Into the vast abysmal plane I cast gaze for a thousand times nine times ninety nine millennia.. Waiting, watching, wanting for something else, something, someone a soul to hold close and dear just once more.

Back from the darkest place you’ve ever been I have returned. The coldest places in the human soul past our hearts and minds, past the fluffy feel goods of our conscious mindful soul… To the places we hide in as children, to darkest hiding cubbies in ones soul. This is where I’m found , home to know one home to me…

Then a glimmer of hope.. So far away.. I dare not dream of a day this rock will bare the weight of another soul. A purpose for which I have been assembled through the years of failures and tribulations.. Yet I remain, still full of fire, still unquenchable in desire for life’s sweet embraces. Forever haunted of home…. Home, this elusive place in my heart where once I lived. I was kind and generous there. Abundance thrived and we thought we were whole.. yet I was not , I was broken beyond repair of what I knew., And I knew nothing .

Now we sit here gazing across the world and the spaces in-between wondering what do we do next. How does this door open and close , how do we not shake in fear and arresting motion for the panic of the unknown tender heart that cried for forgiveness in the darkest of rain soaked nights . Now are hearts bleed again , the low thump, thud of a angles broken heart, wings beat in the invisible ethers of the hopes hell. Waiting for forgiveness to give way to this hearts pain. Love not the beast that Iv become but the man inside that takes it eachday for I love you more than this heart could ever bare to speak in any tongue…. Good night, I hope you hear me. Benjamin M Prewitt

Letters to my son

Be brave , be bold and thrive in you life. I don’t know where you are or. How to get ahold of you. So I’ll leave this here each year I’m alive so you know that I never stopped caring and I didn’t walk away. I was asked to leave so I honored what was asked of me as I’d always done. Anyhow I love you,I miss you and wherever you are I hope you are happy and you know how much I miss and love both you and your sister dearly. Please know I am here and I will always be here for you, when you’re ready to talk.

Love Dad.

Benjamin M Prewitt

I remember why I’m here.

If this is a dream do not wake me for I have found heaven in the heart of this darkness. In the hardest of times I gave it all up. I had somehow become unworthy of love and happiness as it had been known to me. I had become more, or maybe less than I was as a man. Either way when the dust settled I was alone, barren of the seed and fruits of my life long labor. All my memories dashed upon the rocks of a misguided future and worst still,there were monsters waiting at home to devour what was left .

You didn’t leave a stone unturned this universe of God and mankind. I , you have deconstructed this human beast into a diffrent creation, something of joy and beauty, sadly cursed with the passion of a thousand men the heart of a lion, the soul of saint, tongue of the devil and hand of a hero.

I come to you on bended knee take me as I am. Take me for me and I’ll give you all that I be.. I have nothing and everything to give,.the only thing left is me.

B-2019

Thoughts and expressions of my life.

Sunday 12-16-18