It’s been a while since we’ve talked this early in the morning. I’d like to say that it’s good to be here, or that I’ve been doing well but that would be a lie. I’ve been chased here by demons of my own making fueled by fear and driven by thunderous fury. Liquid rains of electric fire that course and creep just below the skin as if in one white hot moment my soul will burst through……
Then darkness, I come slowly back to this broken shell of a man who tried to live in the face of death. Met at every turn with heartaches and thoughts so dark the devil himself took notes. These hands are so cold and I can barely feel my feet anymore. Small stones live in the places where muscles once stood proud and strong. Left only with tendons bound tighter and tighter each day. Anxiety filling the spaces Inbetween.
She’s gone now…. They’ve all gone and I’m alone again. I’m so tired of this game of love and God, this game of men are chasing and wanting the world. I don’t want the world anymore, just a small piece to grow some food and medicine. A small place and a big tree out back so when the death lights come for me they don’t have to work to hard to recycle this shell,this bag of bones and water I’ve been forced to carry for to long as it is. Yes a small house a big tree and a garden…… Maybe a cat or two so I can touch a soft thing now and again…. Time for fire it’s 4am on the coldest day of the coldest week of the coldest month of my heart so far this year.. 1-2-2018
The End~Benjamin 2018. **As all of my written words are true to the word not all meanings are of the truth but imagination. Sounds criptic I know, I guess you can say my words are mixed with things I feel as well as things I have felt. Enough for now. B-2018
Into the heart of the matter does a man not begin to see things clearly after years of experience and silent hell spent yearning for things lost to the uncureable and fortunes failure.?
Give him not the grace of wisdom by failing to prove faithful and loyal of heart and mind, then truly demons mist walk among us in the shape of Eve and Angels lost of hope and heart, broken and cursed forevermore. Wings of gossomur silk traded for whispers of a ghost, lost in the darkness.
Again surrounded by confusion and panic. Living in a roller coasters heart has taken its toll… I’ve grown to tired to fight anymore, the soul of Hope has been bled nearly dry by harlotts and harpies. Grown so tired of endless giving, endless judgement and critics galor. All for a place to rest this weary and weathered soul, a cursed night and endlesswonderer now numb and tired from the rain and cold of this life. Shivers uncontrolled now echo these bones of truths giving pardon only to fires in my soul as I drift away…
The End… A freewrite by.me
Benjamin M Prewitt 2017 December 31st #myshakylife
Just woke up from my mid day nap and was looking for a bit of my life to share when I ran across my pain journal I used to keep. This excerpt is from 10//06/11 almost exactly one month pre … Continue reading →