honesty

It’s funny how life tests us. It tests our physical, mental and emotional strengths. I have to say though I’m tired of it. All this travel I think has finally taken it’s toll. I’m not sure if it’s the events that have unfolded or the shear volume of land crossed but I’m done.
It’s time to paint and write, settle into a routine I’ve yet to find and stop chasing dreams that take me far from home. I’ve given to much of my heart and soul away over the last 8 months often only to have it thrown back in my face. Twisted and used against me.
I started this site to find solace and peace as I tried to sort through having young onset Parkinson’s originally DX just after turning 41.

I’ve made some amazing friends all around the world and gone to see most of them. As I sit here this morning in the sleepy village of Clinton NY I wonder if any of it’s worth it. These days I find that the emotional toll of feeling so passionately and living a life that reflects it has become a burden I’m not sure I can bare anymore.

Burden
12×12
Mixed media
2014

Honestly I’m not sure of the point I’m making here today, beside the simple sharing if my heart and soul as I’ve always done. Though these days I find more often than not I have to speak in ambiguity as to not offend or suffer the backlash of others in this place.
Tired…. I’ve grown so tired of the struggle..

These days I find I am no longer “Dreaming of Autumn”
I fear I’m no longer dreaming at all. It feels like everything I touch turns to rust and dust before my eyes and I’m not sure how to stop it from happening. Anyhow I’m done. I hope where ever you are and what ever life brings you that your well, loved and at peace. May all your dreams come true.

Always
Benjamin
“A life in progress”
2014

In our lives we’ll become many people have many friends and probably go many places. As I’ve gotten older and things in my life have continued to change as they always will. I think that I may have actually learned something. For me it’s not so much who you love but how you love. Most people when they meet me would never guess that I’m a deeply spiritual person a hopeless romantic ad actually a pretty sensitive guy. Here in the written world I think it’s Easier to tell because all we have is our words. There is no gesture or vocal tone. No body language, just words and images. I found this love quote earlier today and shared it with some on twitter often I forget to share on WP some of my musings sorry twitter is fast yet only as deep as 140 characters can be.

I really liked the way these words were put together. After all isn’t that what good stories,poems are? Just simple
Words pit together in a fashion to evoke an emotional response. Which brings me back around to a big reason I paint. Being a very passionate person not just a lover or warrior but in all aspects of my life I feel very deeply. So I chose art or it chose me and I paint my emotions I guess you could define me if you needed as a Emotion Expressionistic Abstract painter. I turn feelings into visual expressions. Not literal expressions.

Two different paintings both filled with my Passion.

Lonely or Alone

One thing I’ve learned since my diagnosis is that you can’t wait for life. Yes things take time to plan and execute unless your one if the lucky few who can afford to simply live life freely. But please to all of you live your dreams love and laugh. If you have people in your life that bring you down or hold you back then day goodbye. Okay…. Now I’m rambling a bit thanks to the passion I feel and the fact that of makes it hard for me to do long posts and stay on track. 😉