Thanks again for stopping by today. The show will be up through February 🎉. If you have the chance stop on by. Much love always. Benjamin-2018
“Be brave be bold and thrive in the life you have.”
There you are so far away now yet still my soul feels your heart beating. I feel the tears rolling down your cheeks. The silent sobs in the shower.
All so farway yet pounding in my heart, mind and soul. Why did leave so swiftly in the night? Such butterfly kisses wound deeply now. Each breath burns and chokes as your tears fall through time from your heart to mine. Forevermore to scar my heart.
To be honest I’m not sure if it was a mile or not. This morning I woke around 2a pst to gentle breeze and a summer rain. Greeted by the the late night crowed coffee in hand I wished them well and took a walk to find the stillness in my life that I’ve seem to have lost.
What I did find was the world or parts of it were still and peaceful for me. I brought some back to share with you.
There was also some painting that was done today. Still wet as I type, still waiting for me to return.
It must have been a dream
This piece will change a great deal but will look similar when completed.
Both are very early in development.
Thanks for stopping in today as always it’s lovely to have you with me.
And please remember to always Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have, you never know when things will change….
“A life in progress”
Sometimes I feel me slipping away..
Beneath the pills and pain.
Silently watching the shakes and quakes.
Silently screaming as the words fail time and time
again to come from my mind to my mouth.
The worst nightmare one can imagine.
To slowly slip away in both body and mind.
To watch helplessly as one fades….fades away…..
Like a cannibal chef slowly carving off slices,..one…piece at a time…
Taken away by the sandman.
Rotten bastard that he is…
So much memories hovering just above,….Just out if reach.
It’s comical to watch a life fade away in a burning bright cosmic flash of brilliance dimmed by time, fear and pain.
More pills create more movement
More movement creates
More pain… More pain creates more pills
and the circle is complete.
It’s been so long I don’t remember the exact time or your I just remember you swinging from the bridge and I knew you had gone. A double noose did the trick preceded by euphoria and a needles prick. Gently in the summer breeze swinging so gently blowing in the trees. I did the right things and called the right people gathered them all to our neon lit steeple. I spoke at your wake and started to cry for I had just watched a part of me die.
*** Ode to Michael Shannon Douglas, I miss you Mike D. Sure could use your advice these days.
Today is a really huge step for me personally, emotionally. I’m giving up my call. Giving it back to M so that she can use it to better cultivate the family we started some 17 years ago. As a huge part of me breathes a sigh of relief to not bare the burden of the things that come with car ownership I’m also reminded of what Parkinson’s has taken from me. I’d held into the car after we separated so I could see my son after school but those things have now changed and my need for societal expectations has grown. Now today I give up one of my last personal freedoms, sure I can take a taxi or rent a car and in time assuming my body allows me to continue to drive I can get another car but for today, right now it feels like another thing to add to the list of things PD has taken from me. My career, family, my car. I don’t write these words out of self pity or woe is me, for they are just simple truths of my life and the journey I find myself on.
Today I will tend to my new home and try not to think of the things I want in my life, today I will try to simply be thankful for the things I have. Tomorrow I leave for Ottawa again to see if there if anything left to cultivate in my relationships with some amazing people I’ve met there, I will paint and write, love and learn. That being said, I hope wherever you are and how ever this finds you that in your life you too may always. Be brave, Be bold and thrive in the life you have. Trust me things will change, they always do.
Much love an light.