free write

It’s midnight here and I must go write. Type or speak but not write, is anything written anymore…? Vows not spoken nor true loves token, taken anymore. Has the world lost its way again? How strange to be here again as the flowers start to push and reach for the nights air. Like a dream of a dream that I’ve been here before. Soon the sun will come and bring more changes to the world, my world and our lives are scarred forevermore with the tears of Angels.

How strange that you are here while I am there. Worlds apart but we breath the same air. Tonight I am weak and solice I seek for the demons tear at my soul…. Twin flames burn bright white hot as ones heart turns to coal. Another turns to stone in face of a place I used to call home. Strange how you think you know what you’d do when it came time to do it, but time is fickle , like an icecicle it drips away before you know it.

Benjamin-2018

**Random freewrite, the purging of my brains.

Into what darkness does this heart fall daily, as I remember the things that I’ve left behind or lost along the way.
The slow torturous burn of guilt and regret.
The tears of doubt and question that flow from the heart and soul.
Questions not of where I am but of how I got here.
Such woe lives deep in my heart and reminds me that I’m a drift in a sea of my own making yet forced upon me like
A pair of cement shoes.
Drifting…… Always drifting…. My heart, my mind and my soul.
To afraid to be hurt again and yet to afraid to climb this mountain alone….
The end.

*** pay no mind to the pain in these words. They are just words that fall from the sky and I try to catch them before they fall to the ground and are forever lost in the depths of my mind.
At this point in my Parkinson’s progression it’s taken most of my “working memory” to be honest I’m scared as hell. Parkinson’s disease has this not so lovely feature where it acts like many other disorders. That’s one of the reasons it’s so hard to diagnose.
Anyhow later this month I will be showing what hopefully will be a new collection at the OHSU Parkinson’s symposium.

Benjamin.
“A life in progress”
2015

Ps. I could use some prayers sent my way. They just discovered that there is something wrong with my thyroid normally I wouldn’t worry to much but life has a way of kicking my ass every single time I try to succeed. I see the endocrinologist today at 2p pst.

Much love and light.
B.

The painting is a sneak peak of the background color and texture of my next project.