I sure wish I could talk to you. To tell the other side of the story. To tell of what things were through my eyes and my heart. You know I never wanted to leave , I never wanted to get sick or get so very lost when I did. I know ppl that I had all kinds of support but in reality I had very little. My social worker and her family brought me firewood and food during the holidays that year of Cancer and betrayal. During the divorce which I didn’t ask for. Did you I tried to for us to see a counselor but sadly I was the only one interested in going. I watched in literal panic or horrors as my life was quickly stripped away. My kids, my home, my career. Everything is ever been , everything is ever worked for and all the time away from home spent earning the money and supporting the lifestyle our family wanted and was accustom to. Please remember as you read this that I’ve been told at every door to go away. I’ve tried to find you and reach out at every address. Bella won’t return my message, your mother told that if ever tired to find you at her home that I’d be removed and I have no address,phone or email for you. As your mother so eloquently stated
“He’s a grown man now and if he wanted to talk to you he would.” I guess I have to accept that that’s what you want, because she’s right. I’ve been at the same address for years now and had the same email and phone for even longer. I love you my boy and Bella tooi hope that world hasn’t been to cruel and that you’ve thrived in the you’ve done. I miss you more than you could ever possibly know unless you’ve kids of your own. Honestly I would never wish the kind of pain and disconnection that I’ve experienced in this life ever on anyone. I hope to see again before I leave this Earth but that ball is your court as I’ve exhausted all the resources I have. Please bring being your Father was the best experience in my life. I love you dearly my children, my son and step daughter. Thank you for the opportunity in this life.
The demons come tonight.
The fires they light ignite
fear like a wild fire.
Sending waves of hell
washing down like rain from heaven.
As the flames of liquid sin swim feverishly through my mind.
Filling each hiding place of a younger man.
Giving no yield to the concerns of an old broken soldier.
Tired of the games played by a fools heart.
If you are my left hand the be it for I have not the focus nor temperance to be swift of tongue as my words escape me.
Once again I’m left blinking and thinking of what to say…. Good night.. will have to do..
Don’t look in that mirror FEAR For the monster you’ve become Like a count on a box…..1,2?3,4 What’s in store for a rambling mad man Van….. Stay away from the van.. Tan or was it white? Plight,flight,fight To late I’m … Continue reading →