All the things

I sure wish I could talk to you. To tell the other side of the story. To tell of what things were through my eyes and my heart. You know I never wanted to leave , I never wanted to get sick or get so very lost when I did. I know ppl that I had all kinds of support but in reality I had very little. My social worker and her family brought me firewood and food during the holidays that year of Cancer and betrayal. During the divorce which I didn’t ask for. Did you I tried to for us to see a counselor but sadly I was the only one interested in going. I watched in literal panic or horrors as my life was quickly stripped away. My kids, my home, my career. Everything is ever been , everything is ever worked for and all the time away from home spent earning the money and supporting the lifestyle our family wanted and was accustom to. Please remember as you read this that I’ve been told at every door to go away. I’ve tried to find you and reach out at every address. Bella won’t return my message, your mother told that if ever tired to find you at her home that I’d be removed and I have no address,phone or email for you. As your mother so eloquently stated

“He’s a grown man now and if he wanted to talk to you he would.” I guess I have to accept that that’s what you want, because she’s right. I’ve been at the same address for years now and had the same email and phone for even longer. I love you my boy and Bella tooi hope that world hasn’t been to cruel and that you’ve thrived in the you’ve done. I miss you more than you could ever possibly know unless you’ve kids of your own. Honestly I would never wish the kind of pain and disconnection that I’ve experienced in this life ever on anyone. I hope to see again before I leave this Earth but that ball is your court as I’ve exhausted all the resources I have. Please bring being your Father was the best experience in my life. I love you dearly my children, my son and step daughter. Thank you for the opportunity in this life.

Much love, Dad. Benjamin M Prewitt

A time before this time.

Once upon a time before now we were whole. Our family had purpose and plans. A place to be and things to do. Where are they now I wonder. So many things have happened from then to now. Most if which I don’t understand or really even remember. I saw you when I was sick with cancer and going through treatment. I remember you saying that it was getting hard at home. I remember so very very little. I remember that those whom where supposed to be my friends and family closest to me in the geographic sense seemed to not show up in support of the aftermath of cancer treatment. Though I guess nobody really knew the effects 35 radiation treatment and 10 chemotherapy treatment to the head and neck would do to ones self. Who knew what having Parkinson’s disease at 39 years old would destroy a family and lifelong friendships. Who knew that the world would burn down before all our eyes and run rampant with covid-19 *SARS-COR-2

Today I sit and watch something I haven’t seen since mount saint helens blew up, or since I was kid and watched lake Tahoe national forest burn. These times that we are in are no time to be apart, to let things unsaid be unsaid. Once upon a time before all of this we were whole you and I. We could again in a new way of we tried.