I sure wish I could talk to you. To tell the other side of the story. To tell of what things were through my eyes and my heart. You know I never wanted to leave , I never wanted to get sick or get so very lost when I did. I know ppl that I had all kinds of support but in reality I had very little. My social worker and her family brought me firewood and food during the holidays that year of Cancer and betrayal. During the divorce which I didn’t ask for. Did you I tried to for us to see a counselor but sadly I was the only one interested in going. I watched in literal panic or horrors as my life was quickly stripped away. My kids, my home, my career. Everything is ever been , everything is ever worked for and all the time away from home spent earning the money and supporting the lifestyle our family wanted and was accustom to. Please remember as you read this that I’ve been told at every door to go away. I’ve tried to find you and reach out at every address. Bella won’t return my message, your mother told that if ever tired to find you at her home that I’d be removed and I have no address,phone or email for you. As your mother so eloquently stated
“He’s a grown man now and if he wanted to talk to you he would.” I guess I have to accept that that’s what you want, because she’s right. I’ve been at the same address for years now and had the same email and phone for even longer. I love you my boy and Bella tooi hope that world hasn’t been to cruel and that you’ve thrived in the you’ve done. I miss you more than you could ever possibly know unless you’ve kids of your own. Honestly I would never wish the kind of pain and disconnection that I’ve experienced in this life ever on anyone. I hope to see again before I leave this Earth but that ball is your court as I’ve exhausted all the resources I have. Please bring being your Father was the best experience in my life. I love you dearly my children, my son and step daughter. Thank you for the opportunity in this life.
Take away my strength and I’ll sing you a song
Take away my voice and I’ll hold you so long.
Take away my touch and I’ll give you my heart.
Take away my Art and I’ll give you my Soul.
Parkinson’s disease has one goal. To stop me dead in my tracks. To take away my cognitive resources and leave me trapped in a frozen husk of what once was.
There is no cure, it is progressive and unyielding like the sands if time.
I could live in fear of the days to come but then I’d miss the ones that are here now.
I’d miss your smiles and the smell of your perfume.
I’d miss your laughter and how heads turn when you enter the room.
There’s plenty of time for the dyeing later. Not much time to do the living now. So until that other day comes. I shall wake each day and search for your lips and words of love and simply be thankful I’m alive. As I’ve said before, I have Parkinson’s disease, it doesn’t have me. Not today.
Vibro un Sanctum
Oil on canvas
I was once asked to paint how PD made me feel Vibro wa the result of that conversation.
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This post is not sponsored by any of the following. It’s just my way as a individual with PD to help raise awareness.