Paths change.. life’s web ebbs and flows in ways often unpredictable I think at time the best we can hope for is just to hold on for dear life and hope we come out on the other side intact or at least in some resemblance of what we thought we were before the maelstrom engulfs us fully.
Often with no recourse do we survive these things that life puts in front of us. I sit here today a man in limbo yet again. First Parkinson’s takes the life I knew away and forces me to reexamine my life. Now I prepare to set forth on what may prove to be the most intense soul searching deep and painful journey of my life. Being asked to leave my entire life as I now know it. I’m fearful because of my Parkinson’s and lack of real humans in my life. I’m fearful that my sons life will change in a way that will hurt him beyond what I can help him heal.
Today I sit hear In fear of the paint as I’m unsure if I’m ready to look those demons in the eye. Oddly though there is a calm inside me that can see a better tomorrow the part I fear is the fact that despite seeing a better tomorrow I can’t see the path to which to follow. So again I leap with blind faith that those who truly love me and that the universe will catch me as I shed this next layer. And try to become the man I was born to be.
I know of no other way to escape the pain, fear and heartache I’m feeling right now. So I apologize for filling your readers with such sorrow. I know my pain is no more great or less than any of yours and many of you have been through such things as well.
Thank you for your friendship, kindness and understanding as I work through these highly complex set of emotions.
So often when I paint I let things flow, I’ve spoken about it a number of times. I do believe that there is a relationship between the paint and I. It’s not always about me imposing my will upon the piece but a true symbiotic relationship between the paint and I. I’ve been up since 2:30a after catching a few hours of sleep last night. I must say I’m very excited to bring you today’s update. Yes there are still messy edges that need to be refined, and most of the work thus Farrah’s been to the upper half of the piece. I think she’s getting to a point where true nature is coming through. So please let me introduce a work in progress From the My Girl Collection:
Ink and acrylic
I’m going to show a number of shots some maybe similar just with a different light source.
I have to admit this morning as I dragged myself off the couch and into the studio I wasn’t sure if I could do it today. Parkinson’s has taken away a great deal of range of motion and arm strength especially when it concerns holding my arms upright. Not to mention physically gripping the brush for a long period of time. As I started in my arm ached, hips pulsed with pain and a few times I simply sat and looked at her thinking how….how can I do this? Well as always, one moment at a time and slowly but surely she started to come together. My hope is to have her completed before I leave for England this Friday, we’ll just have to see hoe it goes. I do want to take a few moments and thank each and every one of you, especially those who take the time to comment, over the past 3 years I’ve almost given up a number of times but because I’m a stubborn Irish bastard and I have the support of everyone here I haven’t. So thank you, thank you for helping me keep my dream alive. I know that if my dad was alive he’d be proud. As always be brave….be bold…and thrive in the life you have
First I’d like to thank you all for tolerating my absence yesterday I found myself in a place I’d long since forgotten about. A place of personal rage and revenge. Two things that you should not feed an ex Irish warrior and expect to live through. Thankfully I have people in my life that keep me from unleashing my demons upon our world. Those days are gone and I’ll leave the hunting of monsters to others.
Since charges have been filed and all the information I’ll present is public knowledge I’ll provide a link for those who are interested. I will use a first name but that’s it as there are many other innocent people involved whom I don’t wish to cause any more pain than they’ve experienced. Heaven forbid that even be possible.
Monsters in the masks of men..
Just prior to leaving on my latest travels we had been having trouble getting ahold of our contractor MORGAN, this wasn’t to terribly odd as he’d worked for the family for many years and we kind knew his routine. He’d always been a great contractor, big smile, friendly face, church going and very dependable for us. Then the other shoe dropped. A few days into my travels I receive a text from home stating that we still haven’t heard from Morgan. At this point we start to worry it’s out of character for him, later that night I receive another text stating that Morgans wife and father had just left and something horrible had happened to Morgan and he wouldn’t be coming back and they would help find us another contractor to do our windows and siding as we’ve already paid Morgan 20k to get materials etc…………
The next day I receive a text from home containing a link….and the statement that simply said. I don’t want to talk about it just check the link. Bohnstedt to make the rest of this post make any sense you kinda need to check the link. But please if you have any triggers in regard to rape, prison, theft. DO NOT READ FURTHER OR CHECK THE LINK.
Now that you’ve had time to read the link and pick your jaw up off the floor
Yeah, wow. Not only has this monster destroyed his family of 17 years but the interpersonal relationships of his children for the rest of their lives. As for my family we will get our money back, find another contractor and move on with our lives. Unfortunately Morgans actions have stirred many emotions for many reasons in my house as well. But I’ll not be speaking of those things as they are not mine to tell.
Though I can speak first hand about molestation and rape as a victim and survivor but honestly for me it’s not important and I’ve written about it before. My demons died long ago and with them any real chance of reconciliation so I’ve moved on. So what’s the moral or point of any of this? Honestly I’m not sure, I needed to be open about the things that are happening in my life, I need the world to protect its babies from monsters wearing the masks of men. These predators are dangerous people and so often we willingly and openly invite them into our homes without ever having a clue as to their true nature.
In conclusion trust your gut, your instinct of fight or flight is often right.
There isn’t anything I can say here that hasn’t been said a thousand times already by sadly a thousand people who have already lived with and through this type of trauma themselves. For me it’s all the more reason to spread love and light into our world, to be and act as a protector and white knight that I was born to be. Know this my friends when I say I’m here for you I am. Everyday all the time in any and every way I can be.
As always, Be brave, Be bold and thrive in the life you have.
**This is not poetic, nor happy it’s also not a cry for help. It simply just is.
I’ve come to hate mornings
They leave me broken and tired
Recovering from my dance with the
There was a time when the dawn called my name
with a glorious song and colors flooded my world.
Now I find only pain and the relentless crush of this disease.
There are no words I can give you that truly explain the
persistence of Parkinson’s disease. It simply never stops.
Never let’s go. There are times that I want to just be done
be done fighting. Be done taking pills for pain and pills
to replace the chemicals my brain no longer makes.
There was a time when the mornings song was a gift
the predawn stillness, the first birds of the day.
Me and a strong espresso, dreaming of all the
things I’d fill my life with.
Now its a race, a race for the first pills of the day
a race to stay one step ahead of the pain. A race to
learn the tricks of he brain as my cognitive functions change.
as I sit here and write these words out of my head and heart
placing them in space instead of myself, I feel the sadness settle
in. This sadness tells me its time to go, it tells me I’ve
rested to long in this place of thought and self analyzing
deprecation. So I leave you with these thoughts from a
man who has been graced with a life full of adventure
love and heartbreak. Don’t wait for life to give you the
things you want. You must make them happen. You must visualize
yourself in the place you want to be and make it so. For tomorrow
never comes so must seize the day or forever let it slip away. The Long Road
Acrylics and Ink
2012 Parkinson’s Series
Good morning, I can’t even begin to tell you how absolutely wonderful it is to see you here today. Or for that matter how lovely it is for me to be here this morning. As you may or may not know since my move out to the country I have gained a private studio space, heated with separate entrance real windows and an office. (which still isn’t set up) One of the things that I didn’t take into consideration when I moved was the fact that I was no longer living with some of the amenities of the city such as a the bus, or having my son and daughter even remotely close to the schools that they attend. Oops, poor planning on my part. So there are days when I literally have mere moments to myself before I have to attend to the needs of others.
Such is life. That being said it does give even greater pleasure to the time I do get to spend in the studio. Below you will find a number of pieces **All of which are works in progress, please join me as we take a short walk through my most recent adventures.
This piece is very close to being finish, its comprised of gold flake enamel and various cadmium of yellow, orange and white.
“The Last Dance” 9″ x 12″ mixed media 2014
This piece has yet to receive it final definitive depth coat a signature final varnish or truly be finished but I’ve had this image and feeling in my head and heart for weeks. If you will let me take you to your (our) past. That feeling of the last dance of the night, or a long good-bye from a date that started and ended innocently 24 hours after it started. I know I’m not verbally expressing myself well but that joy and longing, sense of completion yet a yearning for it to go on forever even though you know its time to go…. That is what I’m trying to express in this piece and will once completed. Hopefully to be completed after my morning tasks today.
This lovely miss is just a charcoal drawing that took about 1 minute to do ( 12’x 24″)honestly I am just looking at placement of the figures getting an idea of location, form and feeling. I’m going to be combing (hopefully) a number of styles into this piece. The Goodnight moon, idea with my classic figure style as well as a little surrealism done in the same fashion as Green Girl. We shall just have to wait and see how it all goes could work, could not.
by now everyone should be able to recognize this collection with their eyes closed , yes its a Coral piece one of two and it is very, very early in its development. As a matter of fact it only has one color so now its just a giant orange blob but I guarantee that will change shortly. If you haven’t had a chance to stop by and see the Love piece in its new frame then please do so, I think it turned out rather well. As always, Be Brave Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have. Should you ever need reminding of how truly gifted, special, unique and important you are to the world please come see me and we’ll talk. For it’s always harder to see the light you create for others when your standing in the middle of it.