Somewhere between Heaven and Hell. Ode to you..

And I wept with the Moon for I knew she was no longer mine… Each moment slipping further into night as dawn chased her away… I begged, pleading to the Moon for love is like begging the Sun for Mercy. Her Fire and Passion consume all who dare taste her flame. Yet still I weep as the wheels turn and my heart grinds to a bitter end. So now I tuck in this heart and shaking hands. Bare no more witness to my heart and soul. For sleep, sweet sleep has replaced your name on my tongue and weary heart. Goodnightmoon
B-2018
#iwritestuff #abstractexpressionism #pnwartist #strongerthanyouknow #missingyou

Truth

Truth be told I’m not sure my heart can handle this grief. Nor to care to bare its  memory. My soul is bare and you are there with no change. No change in routines just a silent heartache you deserve. Yet I bask here on this last sunny day in the Indian summer that just may be my last and I grieve though one should never covent another’s treasure so perhaps I deserve my punishment after all. Truth be told.

b-2017 “May you always have the courage to be the best version of yourself you can be each and every day. ”

#mylifewithparkinson’s

The end

It is with the heaviest heart I’ve had I say goodbye to the love of my life. Sadly my insecurities mixed with my medicine and a serious of unfortunate circumstances ended our relationship. I have failed her. Many of you have helped me literally survive of the last month while she and I have struggled through this most difficult time. I’m not sure when, this month I imagine, I’ll be returning to my home in Salem. Thanks to the generousity of many I’ll be able to honor the rest of my lease through December if I manage carefully. I’m at a point now in my Parkinson’s progression where it’s really starting to effect 

My grasp on perception, vocal tones ,facial expression,autonomic functions and oh the list goes on and on have really started to effect my day to day life. It sucks so bad. And the fact that I broke this young ladies heart will forever haunt me. Sure it takes two to handle and I believe that there were mental health factos on both sides that ultimately contributed to our demise, somehow I still feel responsible. I’d like to thank the lord and all of my friends and family for keeping me save durning these times. I don’t need money beyond paying my bills and having just a little more than I need so I don’t feel like I’m falling down a rabbit hole ever time I spend a dollar. I pray for peace in our lives.

That’s it for a while , I’ve been painting at my temp home in Portland Oregon until my home is safe to return to. So I’ll be sharing some of the “process” with you from time to time and as soon as I return to salem I’ll be rejoining my Artists in Action group and reconnecting with all those I have neglected in my life since my relationship began. Time for me to become the artist monk. 
I love you all a great deal. And know this, your kind words again have helped direct and save my life.

Always.
Benjamin.
2016.
“a life in progress”

Broken~Completed

Some of you know where this piece comes from some may not but I can guarantee that I wish I didn’t. Many of you know this last April I separated from my wife and was forced to leave my home and children. During this process I gave my my trust away when I shouldn’t have and got hurt. I have to take some responsibility but as in all scenarios it takes two to tango.
I’m left now feeling more broken and rejected than I have in any time in my 44 years on this planet. I will not go into details out of respect for myself and all involved. Please enjoy the next images as a part of my healing process.
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Above the close ups.

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This piece was intentionally painted as one piece with the knowledge that I would break it in half at the seem.

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BROKEN
(2) 12″ x 12″ birch panels
Mixed media
Ink,varnish,acrylics
2014
Benjamin
A life in limbo