Let’s be honest

Spent the night in a Bisbee homeless shelter.

I’m being kicked out of the house in Bisbee Arizona by my would be caregiver. She’s given me zero notice to move ALL OF MY BELONGINGS FROM HER HOME. I’m in shock and not sure how to proceed. My true friends in Salem and Portland have rallied behind me and provided me with a ticket home on Friday the 28th. I’ll be staying in Silverton Oregon with a fellow cancer buddy and his wife until I move out to th farm house in Sheridan Oregon. If anyone feels generous and wishes to help, please find my PayPal link. I’m at a loss for words. I thought we were working through the transition but I was wrong. Greatly apparently I’ve been triggering miss Paula The entire time we’ve been back in Bisbee Arizona. Despite a great weekend and last week. She suffers from PTSD and apparently I’ve been “that guy” so it’s time for me to go. Very scared, very insecure. I’ve never been so far away and had someone be so unfortunately cruel. Simply blows my mind. Because even if I hated you I would still treat a person better than I’m being treated. Fuck I even gave my last bad caregiver a month to have her things. Me I e been given less than 24 hrs to move stuff it took me 10 days to pack. Abuse if the disabled and if anyone is a mandatory reporter then here you go. Abuse of the disabled at it’s finest. I thought things were fine. Stressful but moving forward… I was wrong and sadly will be paying with my very life force. Why you ask so serious????? I have Parkisons disease and for those of you who don’t understand how actually serious this is I’m sorry for you, it must be hard and very confusing to watch me go through this. And all the bullshit Parkisons disease has put me through.

Please pray I make it home safely. My house in Salem is no longer mine and I’ll be staying with friends until I can get a real caregiver and place for me to grow old in. I love and miss you all dearly. I know you have your own troubles, life isn’t just punishing me I know. To all of you who have been through this I’m sorry for your trouble. I’ve never been or felt so fucked over in my life this is a while new level of human filth and disconnection for me. I never knew ppl.coukd be so cruel.

Goodbye for now. If the good Lord and mother EarthGia grant me life and strength to continue then I shall. If not. I love you all so much and thank you for seeing this far. I have no son(he lives,but not with any contact with me) or family to go home to and a small number of friends who understand my heart is good and never would do harm. But it’s time for me to find a place to rest, to paint and cry for a long time. I’ve been fooled by people more broken by me for the last Time. My good heart is broken now. I don’t trust in God,in man or woman alike. My feels have been smashed for th last time. I can no longer trust my own judgement and I seem to keep trusting the wrong people. I’ll be back in Oregon on Friday th 28th 5 something pm in PDX

My heart is done. My love for life is fading and I live in physical and mental pain every single day. Pain lvl 7-8 but modern science only wants me to take narcotics. I refuse to!!!! Mmj or nothing. Anyhow that not related. Wish me luck and I hope that I can see you on the other side of this.

Goodbye for now.

Benjamin M Prewitt.

PS. If my mom or I can x family read this now is to to step up if you ever really cared for me.

Moments of Clarity

Where am I and what happened while I was gone?

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B
“A life in progress.”
2016

The crazy and the cripple

Was a warm day with a wicked smile
Or perhaps a cold heart and pretty face that first drew me in.
Such a tempting smile the
crazy girl does have,but
little did I know I’d fall in love..
these fragments of what i
was gather their best
suit and smile a while..well… You know the rest..
Some
words cut deep and some deeper
like losing a limb
as her demon slips
from hers lips.
I can see the coldest, darkest clouds in her eyes,
as i fear for my heart and head.

*whispers….

will this be time it goes to far?
will this be time i drop her….
ive only ever slipped once in my life….
what the years have given me in wisdom and talent
They have also taken a toll. Paid with my patience and bits of heart i give to
the broken in return filling my bucket…
it was warm day with wicked smile or was it a wicked day and a warm smile
when last the she came to play. It
was the most bright of her darkest days.

B.
2015
“Be kind..Rewind”
😉

There by Dragons

I find on this night in this town on this bed that is not mine. There is no sleep. No gentle lullaby that calls my name. I had an interesting day today as this last travel comes to it’s midway point.
The heat renders me useless here and the things I see break my heart. Towns of shanty, lost dreams and hopes baked under the desert sun. While just minutes away billions gets bought, sold and lost. The desert is a paradox of strength, weakness and the simple will to survive. The nights here give me strength as I spent my youth staring at their stars as the coyote howl and the horses run free. Blistered by day and frozen by night there is an eloquent hardness here that bore me here and a softness that silk could never find.
Thank you for reading and letting me share these 2am thoughts.

There be Dragons~
What devils lay in the heart of men
That can cause pause to the greatest
Passions on earth.
What poison has been brought forth
To our world that causes the endless bloodshed of our children.
Dogs eating dogs in the street while mothers and fathers weep for their losses.
Oh why have we come to this loathsome place upon such a hollow.
Empty and void of trust and love. Consumed by fear this two legged beast has become.
Such is plight of man, wrought with contempt for the needs of many as our masters get fat feeding lies to the masses.
Dark days and dragons be here.. Dark days….

Please always remember to “Be brave be bold and thrive in the life you have.”

Benjamin
2014

A day of remembering..

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**true story**
There came a knock on the door, could have been anytime it was dark a little cold. The night before my 37 birthday and there before me stood a four foot nothing woman w/ hair wild from distraught and panic in her eye…… Many words were spoken all of which have faded away except 3 little words that would change my life forever.
“Your fathers dead”
At that very moment the world stood still…. The air became thick with confusion and dismay as I stepped out the door looking for my dad as if he’d hidden around the corner “a joke?” I thought “you can’t be dead.” ” We just spoke” not hours ago…… It was true, he was gone and I’ve never been the same.

In loving memory of my father John S Prewitt 1947-2007. I’ve always loved you dad and I always will. I wish you were here to guide me through these difficult time I find myself in. Oh how I could use your wisdom and casual way. Your reminders that something’s in life simply happen and we do our best with what we have and move on.
My father, my friend, my mentor. The first person to put a brush in my hand… Thank you daddy.
Your loving son.
Benjamin M Prewitt

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