I have nothing good to say today. So I’m going to say everything by writing nothing. Well nothing compared to the whole I space I was ready to tare..
Two humans whom I’ve recently known have given me the opportunity to realize my greatest fears and pushed me to grow further than I realized I could and for that I’ll say thank you. May the good Lord take you sooner than later. Just saying 😉
There was a time when life was clear. Each day I’d wake, go to work come home hopefully making dinner with the family, movie-tv time evening chill then sleeps, rinse and repeat for years. Now I feel challenged at every turn, pulled and pushed in every way possible that a man and human could be taxed of heart,body and soul. This candle grows dim with each deception and sin I swallow so the world can rest in peace as I bury their secret whispers to God along with daises in my graveyard. You’ve broken me and my robot heart with your robot heart breaking machine that you’ve crafted over a lifetime of abuse at the hands of others lies. Greed makes people crazy, I know as I’ve nothing but the clothes on my back. Nothing to hold onto but the sound of my own voice and pounding heart. Nothing else to lose except myself.
Why??? I scream at the heavens as I beg for forgiveness why must I be so cursed with this body and mind. This soul on fire. A walking zombie just waiting to to hear that golden horn to take me home. Faith has a way of making us feel super human, like we are closer to God than anyone else. Are we though can you not decern the voice of God from your own nor the whispers of demons in your ears and flutters in your broken robot heart.
Now life is not clear or good it is not the life I want to have anymore. There is to much pain, fear, anxiety and confusion here in this new place of life. All my safety nets gone, just me and my bad choices. At least I can be accountable for my actions, reasons don’t have to be excuses sometimes it is just a reason but I’ve have learned that when think you’ve got life you’ll find life has got you. . I’m tired of this knowing, seeing, feeling of peoples hidden truths. It is a burden a can no longer bare. Sleep will come soon and I will find her again in heaven as I rest my tired soul.
**Just working through some stuff, as a writer and artist here is my canvas. Do not judge what you can’t even imagine.
World I would like you to meet the Rebirth of Dark Angel. This piece has great symbolism for me not only in the name but in both the time it was created to the time of its rebirth. First painted in a very dark time of my early diagnosis with PD my life had literally just fallen apart before my eyes. I was searching for the new me,old me any part of me that wasn’t broken and I emerged from this piece a better artist. A person with the resolve to keep living.
Yet I have never been satisfied with her completion until now. She still will get some minor tweaks and touches another layer of varnish to create even more color separation as the darks will get darker and lights brighter. I give you:
Taken in the studio.
Taken outside, not a great shot either of them, so I’ve taken a number of medium to short range shots to better help both you and I enjoy this piece.
Center and tail Right Wing
Personally I’m very pleased with the outcome of this piece, it’s dark yet vibrant and very tactile. When seen in person the texture has this almost feathery, fleshy look and feel to it. Again this piece has come to me in a time of growth and change. Never limit yourself, never believe if someone doubts your dreams. Be the delivering Angel, Be your own Phoenix.
All my love, honor and strength I give and give freely with no remorse.
Some of you who have followed my journey for a while may remember this piece Dark Angel she was a very early 2012 piece.
She’s very large I don’t have the dimensions with me at the moment she’s some where close to 4′ x 5′
Far to large to get a photo from the table without standing in a ladder, which I will not be doing today 🙂
I re-varnished the bits that I wished to keep intact prior to her impending change. This piece has almost no texture as far as touch can feel, what she has is the under painting of brush strokes.
These are the colors and textures if the piece anywhere the angel is not.
Today what I’ll be doing is giving her texture and at the same time trying to preserve the general shape of her entity and under painting but at the same time give the paint and color something to cling to and enhance our angel and set her free.
The evolution of this piece is actually highly symbolic for me. For as we all do in life we grow and evolve blossom into the person we are and or are supposed to be. As this painting will so have I, grown, emotionally, spiritually and in the understanding of my place in this world and what I have to offer. More to follow as thing happen around the studio. Message of the day: Do not fear change, embrace it. Make it if your not happy, flow with it if you are.