There was a time when life was clear. Each day I’d wake, go to work come home hopefully making dinner with the family, movie-tv time evening chill then sleeps, rinse and repeat for years. Now I feel challenged at every turn, pulled and pushed in every way possible that a man and human could be taxed of heart,body and soul. This candle grows dim with each deception and sin I swallow so the world can rest in peace as I bury their secret whispers to God along with daises in my graveyard. You’ve broken me and my robot heart with your robot heart breaking machine that you’ve crafted over a lifetime of abuse at the hands of others lies. Greed makes people crazy, I know as I’ve nothing but the clothes on my back. Nothing to hold onto but the sound of my own voice and pounding heart. Nothing else to lose except myself.
Why??? I scream at the heavens as I beg for forgiveness why must I be so cursed with this body and mind. This soul on fire. A walking zombie just waiting to to hear that golden horn to take me home. Faith has a way of making us feel super human, like we are closer to God than anyone else. Are we though can you not decern the voice of God from your own nor the whispers of demons in your ears and flutters in your broken robot heart.
Now life is not clear or good it is not the life I want to have anymore. There is to much pain, fear, anxiety and confusion here in this new place of life. All my safety nets gone, just me and my bad choices. At least I can be accountable for my actions, reasons don’t have to be excuses sometimes it is just a reason but I’ve have learned that when think you’ve got life you’ll find life has got you. . I’m tired of this knowing, seeing, feeling of peoples hidden truths. It is a burden a can no longer bare. Sleep will come soon and I will find her again in heaven as I rest my tired soul.
**Just working through some stuff, as a writer and artist here is my canvas. Do not judge what you can’t even imagine.
I am literally stumbling through my morning today, seriously need more coffee. Way to many pain meds last night. And no not more than the doc said I’m a goodman and don’t do that.
After morning errands I’m hoping to work on the larger abstract piece I started the other day.
Yes this one also I need to call the print guys and get a full price listing. I’m not satisfied with what I’m offering in the way if prints options so stay tuned for that update later today.
Much love, hope and peace to all.
The pain has found me before I’m
Even awake today.
It rips me from my slumber and
Shakes the rag doll bones I live in
Until they rise.
In an effort to meet normal I shuffle
The halls of this house to find solace
In old friends, comfort in coffee and midnight mornings. Frozen fingers fight to find the keys to please this wandering mind.
Ponderous awakenings greet me in my empty bed, I’d type if I could move my hands, more coffee cries the mind, pills get your pills and live to fight another day.
Good morning I hope you rise to a glorious and kind day, may life grace you with kindness, patients and love. I will be silent for a good prt of the morning here on the west coast as I’m fighting dragons. Once these beasts have been tamed a bit I shall return. See you this afternoon.