In the middle of the night, I wake with a fire of a thousand suns burning in my body.
Waves of nausea like an unsettled sea ebb and flow in this darkness as the sun rolls closer.
Then im up, awake wondering the darkness at 1:48a searching for a porcelain God to hurl insults at in tongues only the sick speak at 2am.
The weeks are starting to drag as I knew they would, honestly I’m surprised sheer Irish bullheadedness made it 5 weeks.
Now zen Ben has to come and play because it’s getting intense the burns,nausea.
It comes when I’m alone it waits until I’m vulnerable, until I’m cozy in my cancer cocoon of the blankets made from promises and prayers. It’s there where I wait for this demon of my pasted to be purged. Today I am tired and in pain. To many days that start and stop to much pain ever present non relenting constant burn to many people fallen by the wayside of grief and rage. Soon though, soon I will find a place where I am more loved than questioned and that place, that place will be home. Me, the dog I don’t have and paints I do will be off to “the other side of the mountain” I live in a valley so that doesn’t really make sense lol I could go about many mountains 😂 honestly if I have it my way I’ll go across all of them, again. Any how slowly I’m waking it’s now almost 6:00am pst I’ve had 5 hrs to control the ick and now it’s time to start preparing the body and mind for treatment.
Much love and light.
B~ 2017
A life in progress