Into the vast abysmal plane I cast gaze for a thousand times nine times ninety nine millennia.. Waiting, watching, wanting for something else, something, someone a soul to hold close and dear just once more.
Back from the darkest place you’ve ever been I have returned. The coldest places in the human soul past our hearts and minds, past the fluffy feel goods of our conscious mindful soul… To the places we hide in as children, to darkest hiding cubbies in ones soul. This is where I’m found , home to know one home to me…
Then a glimmer of hope.. So far away.. I dare not dream of a day this rock will bare the weight of another soul. A purpose for which I have been assembled through the years of failures and tribulations.. Yet I remain, still full of fire, still unquenchable in desire for life’s sweet embraces. Forever haunted of home…. Home, this elusive place in my heart where once I lived. I was kind and generous there. Abundance thrived and we thought we were whole.. yet I was not , I was broken beyond repair of what I knew., And I knew nothing .
Now we sit here gazing across the world and the spaces in-between wondering what do we do next. How does this door open and close , how do we not shake in fear and arresting motion for the panic of the unknown tender heart that cried for forgiveness in the darkest of rain soaked nights . Now are hearts bleed again , the low thump, thud of a angles broken heart, wings beat in the invisible ethers of the hopes hell. Waiting for forgiveness to give way to this hearts pain. Love not the beast that Iv become but the man inside that takes it eachday for I love you more than this heart could ever bare to speak in any tongue…. Good night, I hope you hear me. Benjamin M Prewitt
Be brave , be bold and thrive in you life. I don’t know where you are or. How to get ahold of you. So I’ll leave this here each year I’m alive so you know that I never stopped caring and I didn’t walk away. I was asked to leave so I honored what was asked of me as I’d always done. Anyhow I love you,I miss you and wherever you are I hope you are happy and you know how much I miss and love both you and your sister dearly. Please know I am here and I will always be here for you, when you’re ready to talk.
If this is a dream do not wake me for I have found heaven in the heart of this darkness. In the hardest of times I gave it all up. I had somehow become unworthy of love and happiness as it had been known to me. I had become more, or maybe less than I was as a man. Either way when the dust settled I was alone, barren of the seed and fruits of my life long labor. All my memories dashed upon the rocks of a misguided future and worst still,there were monsters waiting at home to devour what was left .
You didn’t leave a stone unturned this universe of God and mankind. I , you have deconstructed this human beast into a diffrent creation, something of joy and beauty, sadly cursed with the passion of a thousand men the heart of a lion, the soul of saint, tongue of the devil and hand of a hero.
I come to you on bended knee take me as I am. Take me for me and I’ll give you all that I be.. I have nothing and everything to give,.the only thing left is me.
Today I can to a place where I can could see clearly.
All my life I’ve been a giver. Over the years it’s worn me down.
I didn’t realize it but it has. I’ve let my behavior bring me to this loathsome place.
Today I realized that I can do things just for me.
I can take a pottery class.
I can with the right help do and become anything
I am enough…. I am enough for me…
And I am important.. Simply because I am.
I don’t need to fix every person and every problem
I AM FREE
I AM LOVED
I AM KIND
I AM HONEST
I AM LOYAL
I AM ME
Not out of greed, but out of selfcare. The world has shown me recently that when a person you trust suddenly starts accusing you of something that you have no idea about… That’s the time to turn and run.. I’ve spent a lifetime watching others and projecting my insecurities on others then wondering why they left. I’ve grown, I can see these things now in others and myself. I am thankful for this life.