Broken Robot pieces

There was a time when life was clear. Each day I’d wake, go to work come home hopefully making dinner with the family, movie-tv time evening chill then sleeps, rinse and repeat for years. Now I feel challenged at every turn, pulled and pushed in every way possible that a man and human could be taxed of heart,body and soul. This candle grows dim with each deception and sin I swallow so the world can rest in peace as I bury their secret whispers to God along with daises in my graveyard. You’ve broken me and my robot heart with your robot heart breaking machine that you’ve crafted over a lifetime of abuse at the hands of others lies. Greed makes people crazy, I know as I’ve nothing but the clothes on my back. Nothing to hold onto but the sound of my own voice and pounding heart. Nothing else to lose except myself.

Why??? I scream at the heavens as I beg for forgiveness why must I be so cursed with this body and mind. This soul on fire. A walking zombie just waiting to to hear that golden horn to take me home. Faith has a way of making us feel super human, like we are closer to God than anyone else. Are we though can you not decern the voice of God from your own nor the whispers of demons in your ears and flutters in your broken robot heart.

Now life is not clear or good it is not the life I want to have anymore. There is to much pain, fear, anxiety and confusion here in this new place of life. All my safety nets gone, just me and my bad choices. At least I can be accountable for my actions, reasons don’t have to be excuses sometimes it is just a reason but I’ve have learned that when think you’ve got life you’ll find life has got you. . I’m tired of this knowing, seeing, feeling of peoples hidden truths. It is a burden a can no longer bare. Sleep will come soon and I will find her again in heaven as I rest my tired soul.

Benjamin 2018

**Just working through some stuff, as a writer and artist here is my canvas. Do not judge what you can’t even imagine.

Advertisements

Subtle changes

Like a flower that blooms I watch you unfold before me. Every vibration a tunened to you. All attention undivided yet I question if not misguided. Left wondering if we play by the same rules. 

I watch as we ebb and flow knocking into life’s barriers and swimming past the flocks that gather to watch in horror and dissatisfaction. Yet never the less are we told not to judge a human until you can say you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. We forget such small promises yet they linger until they are fully dismissed..Can you say you’ve left the past behind or do you carry your sins forward. 

Subtle changes in the landscape of my heart and mind as I watch you unfold and blossom before me. So many Crow waiting to swoop and to scoop you up and drink you like soup. Then again you’re not the angel you seemed to be. Rather a serpent repent and wanting to be, something else like that of which you used to be. It’s okay because I’ve come to be the person I never thought I would be.. Subtle changes in you… In me.. The End. 

B-2018 

Into the night~For a dear friend. 

Into the night freedom abounds. With no bones to hold her down, as the deaths lights came for her one last time. Rest now sweet elder of light and shining souls. Know this one thing your hieness, your queenship and mother of she. A job well done another torch passed on to the night and into the light.

Though sheding this mortal coils flesh is hard and fearful even harder upon those who stay. Hestitate not for glory of the light shines bright for her as she walks amongst the stars once more. Light and free of burden, rest well my dear friend your fight is over , and you’ve won.

Ode to a dear friend of mine who recently said goodbye to her grandmother for the last time here on Earth. Rest ,prayers and respect. Always.

Benjamin.