Given such a heart.
Oh this burdensome woes echo in these chambers a third,fourth ,fifth time….. nay do these cords break further more for the souls that have forgotten or lost their minds and place.
Given such a heart as mine always feeling always hearing I’ve forgiven your foollhearted retreat as you watched me get incased the white death-mask of cancerous cruelty.
Ive forgiven you for your abandonment when Parkinson’s came to slowly wrap me in her jealous tendrils ever squeezing the motion straight from my very soul.
Given heart such as mine youll have to forgive me for forgiving you and moving on. Not in anger or shame. Not in hatered or fear, simply to move beyond what lesson youve taught or learned from me. I move forward thanking you for making a better me.
Given a heart such a heart, that is.
“A life in progress.”
In these glistening eyes I’ve stared a thousand times fell in love a million more. Soft Hollywood light with a dash of dreams lost and strength to come I’m drinking to your pain and demons time and time again. For what sin eaters lives alone with own will only ever know the pain of his own heart,soul and dying light . I’ve loved you a thousand in million years since galaxies began and the darkness was just a speck of dust lost in a child’s dreams.
The day we met in was nervous such a love affair that’s grown from pain and distrust surely we must have known this dream born of nightmares unresolved would consume our hearts completely.
Healing is cathartic to healing the heart and soul of even the most unworthy for all souls deserve the right to pay penance for their mortal sins and walk amongst the Angels.
It’s always sadddest when we have to leave. Especially after spending so much time together. But it will be okay you’ll see . In time I’ll be come nothing but a scent in the breeze, a fleeting thought that gets lost in the wind yet lingers for just a second to long. Once I’m gone you won’t have to pretend that I’m not here, you won’t have to live with the pain of my memory, once in gone…
Once I’m gone you can walk without worry or the regret of running into me. No awkward moments just forgetful bliss, once I’m gone. Every man has his point of no return and this light has grown tired of the struggle. Maybe it’s the meds talking or the Parkinson’s disease or perhaps the cancer. But I’ve lost all and with all that I’ve lived through since a child I’m so tired of feeling everything at once. I slowly look at what’s left over from this life I’ve tried to live the only way I know how and all I see is empty. All I feel is empty, I’ve no home just a house and soon just a room. I’ve not the love of my children or brothers dear. All the things and family I spent a lifetime cultivating, loving ,nurturing and growing have left and are gone. As a man who was raised and lived ,still lives his life as a giver this is and was the final straw.
Once I’m gone none of this will matter and you won’t have to pretend I’m here and I won’t have to remember that I lost it all.
These word hold so much truth and pain I wish I could explain. But know one can imagine losing everything until they do. So until the next time.
I’ll be on my way soon , before I know it I’ll be moved and the next chapter of my life will begin. Honestly I’m frightened of what life has to offer these days as I seem to destroy everything I touch, true or not that’s how it feels so this next year I’ll hide and heal. Lick my wounds and trick myself into not thinking of my life as it ever was ; and simply move forward into nothingness with everyone else. Life really is a beautiful tragedy. Anyhow much love I had a fun and restful ish weekend full of grand ideas of the future and hopefully what someday will be a more calm life.