It’s midnight somewhere 

Such a soulful sound 

One I can’t be around 

Till my feet 

Touch the ground……

Have you seen my body…

🎵Cause, every body needs some body to love. (Someone to love) 

Though such lyrical twist, I do remiss 

Some of the choices I did dismiss 

Like blueberry waffles and pumpkin pie 

Humming bird hill

Or in ghettos they lye 

Bleached to perfection a botanical delection guess there’s 

Something I forgot to mention 

Girl would you take my hand 

Be soft or command whichever the day refuse..

Don’t lose yourself in this place of pride

Stand by your choices , speak with all your voices

Honor your love, be the white dove, cause there isn’t 

Anything in this world without your love..

🎵Cause, every body needs some body to love. (Someone to love) 
***okay so there ya go some totally random yet rather thoughtful semi poetic, slightly rappy word stuff that leaked from my head after a rather long freaking stressful weekend lol. 

🎵 yes, I’m actually letting you inside my 🙉 Just so you can enjoy the soundtrack in my head 

Right then humans I’m sleepy now. Physio and OT today up at the big hospital. I did a ton of neck work which  was lovely since I’ve only a few degrees motion on the left side before I’m thoroughly stretched. It’s funny. Because people will see me in the daytime and think, gosh Benjamin is moving great today… Then for those very few who’ve actually seen me first thing in the morning I think it can be a bit of a surprise.

Anyhow now I’m just being goofy. To those of you who actually read down this far… Nicely done you made it to the end. 🏆🏆🏆

Please remember as you go about your day that you are loved,you have value,selfworth and are worthy of respect from everyone including yourself.

Always B.
“A life in progress.”


Lifting the veil.

There comes a time in every life where one faces the thought of mortality. It may be of their own, your parents or child. But that time will come and when it does it will be as heavy as it is. Each person has a personal perception of what they can carry, which of lifes burdens can be carried and which can not. Some things that have been on my mind as of late. The weight of being or not being. The weight of choice or not choosing. The realities that these choices or lack there of do effect,some that are personal and go unnoticed by everyone and some that are drastic and get judged by the world. 

Lifting the veil:

There was a time when I stood behind you
blindly and watched the world from the safety
of your comfort.
then life came and took you away
showed me the truth in my life
and the lies of my past.
forced me to be a man amongst men
yet as but a boy i failed to see
what the world would be.
if i was you and you were me.
what choices would you make
just where would your heart be?
As a child the fever came for me.
it took my breath away gave me the madness
that dwells deep in my soul.
no child see deaths face so soon and closely after
just being kissed by angels without getting a little burned

it feels as though god has been trying
to take me back home for years.

*what kills you makes you dead
and the rest just makes you tired.
sorry to let the truth show.*

I write from a very unforgiving place a place of no color ,just baited breath. who will go next, who will, what will, why did and how come. these are words ive learned to master yet never understood the reasons why.

why do we self make such heartache of this life
these mortal choices meant to enrich this paradise planet of
human experience. Of love,laughter and everythinig inbetween.?

We  become trapped behind this veil that steals time and changes
perspectives as the wolrd spins.
once i woke up from a dream i had.
i was healthy, i had a family that loved me, two cars and cats.
there was a job and friends, bbqs and swim lessons, first overnight gitters
and sleep-overs filled with fun.
there was gradutations and salutations
then the veil was lifted on us all.
the world was still spinniing so much time had gone by
where oh where did all of those years go dear god where AM I NOW…….
THEN I WAKE…. its cold in this house, ghosts live here with me .
ghost from my past, present and future meet here each day to cast
sufferage upon this mind….
ive only tasted bliss once…
it tasted sweet like the sunshine should just as loves embrace kisses the morning dew.
then all was gone….. the spell broken. time lost.
the veil had been pulled and eachday counted more than the next.
Eachday  a gift of sorrow filled joy. Each Day  a moment in time never to come back
oh if for once i could just rest my head and heart at the same time. then maybe all of this
nightmare of lifes trials will make sense in some strange and twisted way. 

Perhaps some penence for
misdeeds in a life forgotten but debts unpaid?
so many question.So little time. 

The end.

benjamin 2016. 



14/09/2016~ it begins

Good morning. It’s been roughly two years since I’ve done any real physical therapy. Sure I get around pretty good with my cane most of the time and I’m physically capable as most things human males can be, I just tend to over do it a bit. Today I go see the best of the best, in Parkinson’s physical therapy, at least in my area. 8:30a pt 9:30a ot 😬these guys are gonna destroy me today lol. See, the thing is. These guys don’t know me from Adam, so today is going to be all bout baseline testing. Which in simple terms, they say GO!!! Then I do whatever test as fast and as hard as I can…..sound familiar.. Don’t smile 😂😂😂 seriously though, it’s a long painful process in figureing out what this body needs since PD has a habit of changing rapidly,then not changing for years.

So my little freak out with katelyn was a prime example of a shift, meds not balanced with body/mind needs coupled with lack of support and over stressed. We were a time bomb waiting to go off and didn’t even know it. Oh well. Live,love,learn. It was good to live a little more before the serious work of staying alive continued. These days I don’t spend my time rushing to and fro handling everybody else’s business. I stay home, water and replant the gardens in the mornings, paint in the afternoons, nap early evening  and then cook with friends and family in the evenings. See I’m not allowed to cook by myself. 😓😓😓 the first night I came home in July (long sad story) I tried to make some rice. Managed to not burn down the house but did manage to kill one nice pan and server thousand grains of rice. Since then the rule is. I stay in the kitchen when I’m cooking or I don’t cook alone. PERIOD! 

I’ve been up since around 3a I tend to not sleep well at others homes, even though where I’m staying in Portland is perfect. Best friends from kiddom have a home here. It makes it easier to do medical stuff in town when I can come up and stay the night. 

Anyhow I said I’d start writing about PD daily or try at least.
**scale 1-10 1= no to little pain and discomfort 10=ER time.

Pain: 5
stiffness: 7
rigidity: 7
balance:unsteady 6
overall physical discomfort: 6-7
** so if 5 is my normal level of ouch, which is half way between I feel great (1)and take me to the ER(10). Today is a 6-7 my pain level is high, very stiff,rigid and un balanced. lol. story of my life. 😂😜😂. Anyhow hopefully that makes sence. most people go to the Dr. in stage 5-6 pain level i start my days in more pain than people (normal) ppl live with. i think most survivors of chronicle illness do, but i dont honestly know. Example: lastnight I had to ask someone to go to the store for me because my right hip was locked up so tight I couldn’t walk that far. Parkinson’s disease is fickle and often changes symptom types during the day. Right then its thursday so hang in there, one more day of the work week then you can go play.
Cheers and much love.
B. 2016
live, love, laugh. its a shorter ride than you think.



No Way home……

It rained last night and washed the last bits of you away.
the gardens have come back after the wrath and destruction of your love.
the birds have come home and winds sing a diffrent somg these days.
one of support and friendship.
one born years ago, destined in some way to become part of this story.
why, how and now?
I could never dare to say…..
but the rains came today and washed the last of you away…..

i am me, he and we. I am stronger than my demons.
more smart than the obtrusive  thoughts that used to plague 
my mind.
I too remember the days you slept away
while i guided 1/2 of your flesh and bones….
Not my job, nor should it ever have been…
I am whole, I am here and I am free to live as I see fit.
my love, my loves.fear not as
i crumble into the sea, as you watch me quake and shake my way through the bad days.
these bones are tired so tired…
yet this heart and mind so full of passion to live,love and thrive.

The rains came today and washed the last bits of you away… sad really the way things parted.
but without this my dear, my life would have never really started.
I’ve  found my shiny, my glittering heart, my once in a life time whom now ive met twice.
Sometimes  the universe remembers it’s  nice.

but alass i must pray, that here i will stay.
for here i am wanted, a fresh start everyday.
so this my dear friends is where i shall play
for all of my years and one extra day.