Terms of self

Coming to terms with my inner self has been probably the most difficult task of my life. Nearly a year ago my neuropsychologist asked me a telling question. For one moment we didn’t discuss PD, she asked of my earliest memories of family…. 🙄🙄Oh boy I thought we’re going to be here a long time.

As it turns out I have a lot of work to do. I already knew what my issues are but I didn’t realize that simply recognizing what they are and actively consciously changing ones behavior are two separate acts. One must first decern what the trouble is and it’s ROOT then and only then can one start to grow, start to change the way we react to our environment thus changing the outcome of any situation from what would have been the result to a new and unfortold outcome. Make sense?? So on that I leave you with this. Be happy in your heart, you can only truly be the best you if you embrace both sides the light and dark. Then you will be whole, then you can grow.




I came in from the darkness and this is what I’v found. Everyone has left there was nobody around. I cried and I cried and I tried and I tried. They all thought I had lied. When really just really was it so heard to see?, that I am that light that knight on one knee. My judgement is clouded with things as they be. I’ve fallen to pieces for everyone to see.

This husk, this me that you see. It is just I , me , as you can plainly see. I’ve no side thing no plan B. It’s always been you, it’s always been you and me. My sweet love oh where can you be.

My soul isn’t my own it isn’t for me for I am his Knight the powers that be. Once upon a time I stood tall and proud amongst Giants of men, now I kneel humbly, with Grace and dignity because I said Amen. I…… I…… Wonder in thought and in prose I guess that’s life, it’s just how it goes. I.

Benjamin 2018 ©

Moving on with life.

Very painful day today, I think I might have some how hurt my back.. idk, my Parkison’s has really good reviews acting up, lots of freezing and movement issues, fatiuge ect…. Anyhow be well and remember be kind to yourself and others.


Please don’t…..

Please do not come to me with love or lust.

Please do not come to me with tears or fears.

Please do not come to me with memories in your eyes.

Please do not come for me if you’re not going to stay.

Please do not come for me if you’re just going to walk away.

Please do not come to me if these things lay in your mind for now in this life I’ve decided to unwind. Nearly 50 years of this Earth and I’m tired of the grind.

Please do not come to me , with wishes of fishes and fancy hand made poems. You’ve already thrown them all away, I’ll not paint them again. Gone shall that stay.

Please do not come to me if you can’t love me for me being me for more than a day.




Is my heart strong enough to walk through another? Most certainly not, but I shall never stop trying to feel and to heal. To feel alive, to feel the simple grace and beauty of the day. I’m tired of games and worries, concerns of the past. I’ve finally come full circle to realize every second I spend focusing on the past, is a moment I’m not living in the present. Seems silly to say Right?

Feel free to think on it a bit, but not to long the future is moving forward with eyes wide open. Forgiveness is a strength to some and a burden to others.

Goodnight. Mr. B