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Et tu Brutî

On this darkest day oh hollow man shed this wanten skin….Bleed no more for these these things

That cause pause to a soldiers heart.
Such fragile breath on angels wings
Bared ones heart to scissored strings.

Never more shall I go into the darkness alone.
Never more shall I throw stones,,In glass houses.
Never more shall I sing of things to the tune of a def ear and blinded eye.

Silent such voided love and fill this cup with pain and paint.
Fill this vessel oh world of wonder for this knight grows long in the hall of unrequited love..
Born of mystery and misery…. Of healing want in one hand and a lovers whip in another..

Fly…fly away with the birds and the bees. 
Flowers and trees for these things have no place in this heart of darkness.

These halls are mine.. And mine alone…
Cursed to wander for a thousand , thousand years…
Alone…me and these words…. Me and this paint that grows…

Alone…. or iam i destined to this life? id there a queen fit for my fits and delusions, these sharks and quakes that bury my mind and heart. For the one that heald my hand for better or for worse cast me aside and the beauty queen who said she’d stay lost her way.

Do you dare hold the hand of dying mad man? To watch as the chaos closes my eyes and blinds my mind for the final time here in chapter three of me…..?
the end.
b.
2016
post words:
words of fear and love spilled blindly these days as hope for a dream in dream that will take home once again for my sword and sheild have grown tired of the fight. I trade these tools of destruction and madness for hoe and shovel,All ove ever wanted is to come home….to plant a garden a fill it with love, art and the reminder that this world is heaven on earth. Someone just forget to us the right story.

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catching words as fall before my eyes, some big. Some small. All for you.

I  ran with love in my hand like a child unaware to keep the sharp point facing down.I slept with angels and played the Devils and danced beneath the pail moonlight. Just to say I’d kissed the devil and lived to tell.

I trusted full and completely for lies were nothing but rumors and things bad boys did. Thinking I was righteous I won every single fight. Saved every process I met and walked round 

Before I knew I was something….. But know I can’t remember. What it was, I’d fought for to long let me charges side to to many years.

Things slipped through my fingers and splash upon the floor,memories that makes stop and linger for a moments time stop. Memories so real they yank the tears from my heart. A stillness came as the chaos washed me clean and there I lay, torn and broken from a childhood of dreams left tortured and abandoned by love and misguided dreams.

Didn’t they ever tell not to tell a lost boy you love him.? For are we not the stewards of love? Are we not the protectors of the small,weak and the uncared for? This love of love has left me split, broken with the desire to love and care. The desire to take all of your problems away and show you the life one can lead free of care of man kinds worry and loss.

I, I am here. Ready, waiting……..

B.
2016
“a life in progress.”

   

 

Unsupervised 

There was no wind 

No sound
Not even a whisper could be heard that night.
Even stars seemed to strain against the weight of the waiting moon.
Each night they waited.
Hopeful for just the smallest glimpse of her,radiance before slipping back into their darknness for the night.

Hold gently my dear for my heart is tender my mind weak and heart heavy.

Take gently in these hands of thine, I’ll take yours, if you take mine.
The End.
B. 2016

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Good morning sunshine :Stories from the Great Train.

There was no tunnel
There was no light
Only darkness
I waited like you said
No light ever came
It didn’t get easier, for that is how I’m made.
My job to feel, my mission to protect mine, yours.
Theirs it didn’t matter.
My job is to serve, protect, provide and guide.
Or so I thought……
Then the great train came and took me away.
I road for hours, that turned into days that stretched for a thousand, thousand life times.
Is saw.
The horror of human kind,
mothers that left their babies roadside to die, with notes that smelled of flowers and the fathers that stood by and watched.
Sin eaters that bellies shrank as their pockets grew fat with greed.
All the while I walked because I was told to.
Keep moving forward”
the sign in my head said. So I did, with no question and pride. I moved on through he, she , me and we and I kept moving until the darkness grew deep……….
So deep I fact it stopped me….
Us….
The darkness had found me…

This time it wasn’t letting go. I cried and I tried and watched as we died. But the darkness would not could move for it was mine to stay.
Until I myself asked it to go away.
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.
.
Then on the darkest of day on the coolest of Summer’s nights you came to me. Turned on the brightest of light this dog dog could ever see. A machine of living proof dressed in the elegant shades of grey. Adorned it Silver and black.
You carried the light for with I seek a reason to rise again a reason to speak. The better parts of me know that I can truly see. The darkness wasn’t you….
It was always simply a part of me.

The end.
B.
“A life in progress”
**Stories from the Great Train

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Go Big~ or……

Good afternoon good morning and good evening I hope everyone out there is doing well today. Finally have finished the brick paintings, soon I will be doing a post that will contain the geotag locations for each of those paintings unfortunately it is going to be just a Salem and surrounding area function on September 3rd so keep your ears and eyes out for that you Northwest folks. Today we’re looking at the first of what is going to be a 8 – 10 painting series using the same textural styles as the Brick series pieces so the key Forbidden fruit, Solitude, Frequency, just to name a few. 

This piece here is 2 feet by 4 feet I’ve used a custom mixture to create the under texture that and binder that covers the Birch panel for starters and I use a proprietary mix of gesso plaster of Paris and other fibers, natural fibers to create a secondary texture. Golden paint company uses, I should say makes a product called fiber paste which is about $25 for six ounces of it, which is to expensive.So I basically took their product and went into science mode and figured out how they do what they do and have been able to come up with the formula that will give me that same effect for $25 a gallon as opposed to $25 for six ounces of product. 

Here we have the same image with a closer crop giving you a better look at the details of the piece. Each layer of the beginning days of this painting takes about a day to paint sand, assess, color touch, and then dry. That is assuming that I’m only applying one color per day. Often I will use fans and or quick dry additives and binders to the custom colors that are created in each piece to affect how the human eye sees the transparencies of the color and how the light affects each piece from each direction. Right then it’s been lovely to see and hear from all of you today I’ve started to regain some sense of normal in my life which very very nice. I’ve started to develop my patterns and routines which make me feel safe living alone with young onset Parkinson’s disease. I’ve also just really started to realize that though I may need a partner to feel complete, I do not need a partner to feel whole and loved. I’ve been under so much stress for the past many years. I’ve forgotten how to truly love and enjoy myself when aone. Thankfully I have some amazing friends that regardless of the limitations physically and or mentally Parkinson’s disease may present in front of me and my friend group, these people are willing to basically to put it bluntly, they are willing to stand strong next to me while I indore the path that Parkinson’s disease and and will present to me. Sadly to this day Parkinson’s disease has no cure. So I have the unfortunate reality of slowly watching my bodily functions fail me. I will lose control of my muscles my limbs and eventually my life.  I’m forever thankful for my friends my family the people that have stood next to me during this journey I hope to make this next chapter the best one yet. I hope to see many of you there at the finish line. Much love and have a great day.
Benjamin.
2016
Be brave be bold and thrive in the life you have. For you never know when life is going to change but one of the guarantees in life is that it is going to change.