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Letters to my son: Please remember me as the man you knew me as, not the man those who couldn’t understand my journey labeled me to be. I love you. Dad. #atlas

The end

After a few years of healing and trying to put myself in a safe environment,I finally received some information about my son. He’s safe , happy and healthy according to M. My ex-wife. Sadly though the one person ,my son, that kept me fighting Parkinson’s and cancer wants nothing to do with me. To me this is the end. I’ve nothing to live for.

Good bye and be well.

*** to those that read this I’m sorry but I can’t explain what it’s like to loss everything one has ever worked for. For reasons beyond my famlies control we were not strong enough to survive my onset of Parkinson’s and during the course of my cancer treatments and the recovery I never received . The abuse I suffered at the hands of those whom should have helped. Losing everything physical in the mere 25 days I was there has been something I haven’t recovered from. Now with my son’s estrangement love is to much burden. I have a few friends and a caregiver , a partner and an dog. I’ll be sending out the few paintings to ppl I have addresses for and a few shoe box sized packages of things I was able to take from AZ. Pictures of my kids and grandparents, wedding photos and the early “good years” I know I won’t be must by many and to the few that stuck by my side through it all you know where I’ll be. I’ll probably not post anywhere anymore. Much love and thanks for the many years of love and support through what has been the worst years of my life.

Benjamin m Prewitt

Some words

How does one begin to write the story of a lifetime of happiness and joy. A lifetime rich with experiences most people will never have, from a perspective that most people will never truly fathom the depths to whence i traveled to tell these tales of work and Joy. The loss that I’ve experienced at the hands of others and the cost of trial and error of medications Durning the first few years of my diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease.

To know now what I’d soon learn in life, that Parkinson’s was going to be the least of my troubles. Shortly after my diagnosis of PD, my marriage ended as do 85% of the marriages that encounter PD. Then just a few years later I’d get the news of metastatic throat cancer,stage four and be given 25% chance of life. Cancer… The things they don’t tell you. They don’t tell you that most of your friends won’t show up. In fact most will silently worry in their own ways or they’ll block you out of their minds until one of two things happen, you die or heal. Cancer, what can I say. I almost wish it had killed me. After 6 weeks of radiation and chemo treatment, after 10 weeks or cumulative radiation damage only two weeks after my treatment ends I receive the news. That my last grandmother was in the process of dying. So instead of minding my health I did what I would like to think any grandson would do in this situation. I flew to her bedside in Nevada until she passed. This passing as all are was hard. It was a deep pain felt in the soul of our entire family. As life does in course of us all it continues, for me I still had more loss to suffer before I’d find my way home or atleast closer to what I had left of one.

Little did I know that being without a family during the healing process of cancer would be one of the biggest mistakes of my life to be continued….