I’ve reopened a twitter account for the purpose of Art exposure only. It’s time to go back to work painting full-time,time to redecorate the house and rebuild the yard. Same goal same plan by next July I’d very much like to buy a small piece of land,house, start a little selfsustainable farm and a studio then I figure I’ll have both the safety of a home that’s always home and the option to travel for the Arts and PD advocacy.
Until later, I’ll be be busy for the next few days. Going home tomorrow.
I really just wanted to express how thankful I am for all the kindness, understanding, patience and love I’ve received in this life and during these hard time from so many of you. Thank you, truly and deeply. Always and forever
“Be brave be bold and thrive in the life you have”
Hi, thanks for stopping in.Well I kinda like to call it the wiggles it sounds better than tremor or dyskinesia. Another day up 3am slept from 4p-3a I guess this is kinda my way hiding from the world. When I’m asleep I’ve a chance to sort it all out, hopefully wake up refreshed. As funny as it sounds I’m dreading going back to my house. Not so much because I’ll be alone but because I’m afraid of the wrath of a scorned woman. No offense ladies you know I love ya but y’all can get a little destructive.
See mostly guys are silly and reactive. A guy will say fine be a bitch. A woman on the other hand will go into another room and drop your favorite coffee cup of 25yrs down stairs, say oh baby I’m sorry what we’re talking about,(evil grin)
**FICTIONAL STORY*** really just making a point. So yeah I’m a bit timid when it comes to going home tomorrow.
I think the worst part about this whole experience is well obviously that everyone involved got hurt in some way. That’s never ever okay. But so many things were said and done wrong, misinterpreted or just plain ignored. I guess that’s what happens when passion looses compassion. I tell ya it’s F’ing horrible. Any how. My dear friends who have been keeping me safe during this month are back from their east coast trip so know I’ve someone I can chat with face to face and for me that huge. I’ve always been a very visual and have a really hard time interpreting text conversations. So having real humans to hug and speak to see key for me right now. Throughout most of this month I’ve had to make some serious choices without the one person I’d grown close to. Life, sheesh kicking my ass these days. Any here’s a bit paint and an almost done “Angel Heart”
These piece of wood was chosen specificly for its gain pattern painted and textured against the grain hives natural depth changes and I feel adds to the organic look I wanted for this piece. I keep going right back to a Japanese pottery techniques that uses gold inlay but I have to do it at the right time or the depth won’t be righy. Anyhow I’m rambling.
Much love and light.
“A life on hold”
Here I am again up before the dawns light ushers in the new day. I woke some time between last call and the time bakers hours begin. I’m coming to terms with life, but it’s easier said than done when you’ve been out of your home for 20 days. Needless to say I’m not sleeping well. Woke in stage 7-8 pain after sleeping most of yesterday on and off. The daze and panic attacks have lessons since all the choices have been made. Though fear rips through me like fire in my veins. Moments shear terror at the idea of going home, alone. Which bring me to the point of this post.
The fear of being Alone.
Not just lonely or loneliness. But the actual physical action of being always with out a companion scares the hell out of me. I’m not talking about a romantic partner, just alone. I talk way to much to be alone.
Nice deflection though truly I am many things, but a hermit I am not. This last relationship failure has taught me some very ugly things about life and we as humans will do to hurt or cause drama to others. Or to what lengths one will go to protect their home. Sadly and truly the ugliest thing I’ve been through. My divorce was life changing beyond measure. This new experience feels like a bad episode of Jerry Springer or some horid bad internet dating drama. https://youtu.be/xLnTWxpTQt4Anyhow like i said i talk / think way to much to live alone. So im thinking a dog is my next best friend. I still plan on if physically able in a year getting a small farm and really focusing on the Arts and Traveling with my son.
Right well its just a bit after 5a pst and i guess its as goodas any time to go back to sleep. Oh and one last thing before I tuck myself back in bed. Here a bit of paint ive been working on “Angel Heart” possibly. Still much painting and texturing to be done.
2 more days in Portland before i can go home. .so nervous about the house and what’s become of my stuff and garden😦 time for sleep.
Over and out.
“A life on pause.”