Coming to terms with my inner self has been probably the most difficult task of my life. Nearly a year ago my neuropsychologist asked me a telling question. For one moment we didn’t discuss PD, she asked of my earliest memories of family…. 🙄🙄Oh boy I thought we’re going to be here a long time.
As it turns out I have a lot of work to do. I already knew what my issues are but I didn’t realize that simply recognizing what they are and actively consciously changing ones behavior are two separate acts. One must first decern what the trouble is and it’s ROOT then and only then can one start to grow, start to change the way we react to our environment thus changing the outcome of any situation from what would have been the result to a new and unfortold outcome. Make sense?? So on that I leave you with this. Be happy in your heart, you can only truly be the best you if you embrace both sides the light and dark. Then you will be whole, then you can grow.
I came in from the darkness and this is what I’v found. Everyone has left there was nobody around. I cried and I cried and I tried and I tried. They all thought I had lied. When really just really was it so heard to see?, that I am that light that knight on one knee. My judgement is clouded with things as they be. I’ve fallen to pieces for everyone to see.
This husk, this me that you see. It is just I , me , as you can plainly see. I’ve no side thing no plan B. It’s always been you, it’s always been you and me. My sweet love oh where can you be.
My soul isn’t my own it isn’t for me for I am his Knight the powers that be. Once upon a time I stood tall and proud amongst Giants of men, now I kneel humbly, with Grace and dignity because I said Amen. I…… I…… Wonder in thought and in prose I guess that’s life, it’s just how it goes. I.
Benjamin 2018 ©
Let me tell you about fear…
Fear isn’t real.
It is the anxiety chemical
The human body uses to
explain the unknown or confused signals crossed for whatever scenario.
Fear is staying up all night long on the top bunk of twelve, two by twos in an southern Arizona homeless shelter wondering how,why and what the fuck just happened and how can I get home. And where is home anymore??
Fear isn’t real, it’s a chemical that the body fives to the unknown. Sadly the crappy things we do to eachother as humans is very real and very serious.