Letters to my son: Everyday

Everyday I miss you. By now you’ve grown into a Young Man, it been years since we’ve met though I thought I saw you once at a game store . My head was lost, my mind full of nervous tension and anxiety. My eyes don’t see very well anymore and I can’t seem to find the help I need to find my way to get new ones , so fuzzy the world stays.

You won’t see around anymore, for been gone for years now. I try and stay away from the things in life that cause stress and make my Parkinson’s worse, sadly I’m still not very successful with that. I’ve had a few surgeries and will probably have a few more before I see you again, should I be granted that gift in this life. Deep brain surgery is back in the table according to my new neurologist. Everyday my heart breaks that your sister and I have been denied the opportunity to have a friendship let alone the relationship with all deserve. That’s life though,it happens to us all, the good the bad the unexpected and everything in between. At this point I can only hope that you are doing well, being brave, bold and thriving in the life you’ve chosen, please know I’m here always. Waiting, wishing and hoping to see you, to know you again in this life. As you look back at the things of our lives together please know and one day understand that I’m not half the monster I’ve been made out to be, not half the man I wanted to be. Yet I am still in my heart of hearts the kind, strong, loving father I hope you remember me as. It’s funny how I worked all my life to get to a point where we’d have the time to go and get to know each other as grown men. To able to mentor you in all the things not to do, to give the sound advice, care and concern I’d given to thousands of employees for years of your and my lives. I’m here, not perfect, not rich in anything but love, memories and a hug. Love always, Dad.

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