6:28 am 02/2019 I write because I can’t ease the pain.

***Not edited for Grammer or spelling sorry.

Everything is frozen…. I love it this way. It makes the town silent. I like that theses days. It quiets the demons that still rages in my soul. I’m not a surgeon nor psychic but I can plainly see the damages that have been done to me. All you see are these quakes and shakes cover me, that I’m lost behind this fog that man’s chemicals have made me. Would you rather I slowly freeze as this disease would have me do. What if it wasn’t me what if it was you. Think about it, what would you do.?

It’s been so easy for you to blame it on me, my lost and wondering mind, my childish views and lack of concern you think makes me naive . Perhaps yes perhaps no, perhaps I’m just tired of watching you complain as you go. Maybe we should all look inside and see what makes us tick. Really, do so take a look inside see where your demons and your deepest truths still lye. There is where I’ll leave you…. Alone as you left me…. Swim in a sea of your own guilt and remorse. My stomach is sick with grief and sorrow. Those of yesteryears are gone forever. I will not remember you tomorrow… Live with that, let it eat at your soul every moment. See me in art, in the trees and the wind. Let smell of coffee, leather and smoke remind you of my ghost for it there that I’ll linger in back of your throat like cancer growing in your mind until your heart breaks and you leave it behind as you left mine. Yes such bitter reproach spills deep this dawn for I’m alone, tired angry in pain and even though you can’t see it flow, so full of love just bursting below… I’m not a dragon by nature but born saint and made a sinner… I’m done now the dawn reaches me. I shall call your no longer.

Forevermore lost to you.

Benjamin-Purging as begin to fly again. Nobody tells you after cancer to the head and neck that it’s going to take YEARS to recover. They don’t tell you it’s going to change your perspective and to surround yourself with people who have your best interest at heart. They don’t tell you of you’ve Parkisons disease that it might just make things really fucking bad really f’ing quick. Idk why they don’t. But they didn’t . O er the last two years I’ve watched as people have manipulated me, swayed my perspective towards the betterment. I’ve watched as they stole my things, used my life force until is was nothing . Well no more . I’ve seen such unforgivable things since I started this journey and I have to say I’m disgusted. I know my sins and would and do thanks to do many people where all of them proudly and with shame openly and honestly. I wonder if you would fare so brightly should your deepest flaws and demons be freed so publicly. Any how, to for meds I’m going to brace up and go for a frozen walk in the woods.

Good morning God afternoon and good evening.


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