Here is where I come cry, to throw my arms in the air a curse to the high Heavens. It’s here where I crawl into myself and sink away from all. It’s here where I feel safe and small. It’s here where I can feel free, to feel me as I am. As I feel to feel when I feel and what I feel.
Today it is rage and sadness all mixed in with the pain of this body of shakes and wiggles. Do you know how bad it feels? I wish for one second you could step into this body. For weeks it’s felt like my toe is made of ice and every time the slightest breeze touches it… It feels like someone is literally nailing it to floor. Did I mention I walk 99%of the time….
Did you know that Parkisons disease has taken my self perception almost 100% away and my visual Agnosia has made my ability to read others facial cues neigh I’mpossible. So here live this life in this body. I ask not for anyone’s pity. Keep it, what ask is for compassion and understanding from this world and those I encounter. But I have learned that in my quest to live a quiet normal life. That those whom need compassion the most seek it from those whom have the least ability to give it. I don’t know why that is.
I’m to vulnerable right now for me to open up to anyone.. I feel best down afraid for the first time in my life to love to accept kindness in fear that it’s attached to strings that will later be used against me. The world has shown me what’s out there once on the good the best if mankind and now twice on the worst. I have no strength left for a fourth time I’m done. Jaded, my inner spark literally told me this morning. I dont give a fck. This as I looked towards the beauty of the rising sun on this wonderful day…
What’s the saying. Strike three, you’re out…. Yeah.. that’s me.