Faith, life and misery.

When I was a young boy maybe 2 or 3 years old I was told it’s always better to give than receive. So I did, sadly nobody ever told me that most of the time and most of the people you meet won’t be like you. They won’t be kind by nature, they won’t be giving ,trusting and pure hearted. I was raised to be a protector. The eldest of three boys. The first grandchild. No real parents raised mostly by the grandmothers and grandfather while they were alive.

Theses days I’ve seen. Been witnessing my life evolve, fall apart and self destruct before my very eyes….. Truly one of the most horrible things I’ve ever had to watch happen. So often after my failings I’m told.” You can’t blame things on your Parkisons disease.. For the record…. Actually I can. Not only does PD change you bio chemically it changes you Physically and mentally in ways people can see and not see. It changes your core, Vegas nerve, throat and caochlial muscles that control voice pitch and tone. It changes my ability to hear my sounds and interpret the voice and face recognition parts of the brain and physical muscle tissues all of which is fact for the haters. Educate yourself before you judge me please.

Today I mentioned faith. Faith right now I the only thing I have to hold onto. My most precious person items are being held by an extorsuonsist in Arizona, my lovely cottage I being sold after many years of renting. I’m living in a room that I’m paying more to do so that I paid to live in my home. I have virtually nothing to my name to speak of… My life since 2014 has fallen completely into something I couldn’t even fathom when I was with my wife and I kids. Never in a million trillion years would I have imagined is be here today, this way in life. Alone, broke and sick. Life has it’s way and faith has it’s place.

Anyhow. Thanks for stopping in I wish I had better things to say but that’s just not my life right now. Sorry to bother you truthful.

Much love and light.

Benjamin

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