In the morning the demons have started to come again. Once it was only at night. The pain is relentless. It feels like it’s been years since I’ve slept. There is no ease and comfort in my life anymore. A pretender stole my things and keeps them from me. A thief took my strength from me and know I sit in this new place, with new faces and I wonder just how far will I fall.

At times I wonder, is this the end of my story or just yet another new begining. Either way I struggle to find much good in the human race right now. For all my forgiveness has been given enough away and where I used to carry my strength is full of ghosts from the night I spent in the desert. The forced abandonment and then the long road home to house where I’m unwanted and a life I tried to leave behind.

Dragged back by the hand of God for some universal truth. I’m here now to witness, to watch the last of my memories fade because my pockets aren’t deep and world is cold and full of jaded hearts. I’ll never see my things, my father, grandmothers or son again. Therefore my hope, strength and love of this world is empty. For now I’ll dance one more time. One more Christmas without my kids one more day without my paint or comforts of a lost life. I’m tired, I’m broken, I’m done.

Look closely and you will see, that the only thing left is a hole where I used to be. There and back again.

Benjamin-2018