Things I’ll never understand

In our lives there are these people that come and go. Some of them we have great emotional ties to. Be they a best friend male or female. Lovers will come and go, some will marry have kids and live out the rest of life I’m a semi predicted path. Of course life (aka:Change) will happen regardless of how small or large our box is. Within all of this chang, ebb and flow of life why is it that we hurt each other as we do.

As humans we all have these emotional and physical needs. Not just as primal animals but as spiritual beings and social creatures. Knowing these basic facts as we do. Why then do we as a race communicate so poorly with each other. It’s as if we were never intended to speak through this mouth. I’ve often wondered if a person could simply feel what was in my heart if it would change their perspective in life. **5:20am pst btw I’ve been up for an hour or so thinking about the changes that have happened recently in my life. Not just the relationship crap. I figure ups and downs are going to happen if I chose to date 😬😂which honestly the fact a guy with Parkinson’s and post cancer can even get a smile still I find shocking but I don’t have much selfasteem left these days.(off track) Anyhow I’m still waiting for the CT scan results from over a week ago. Truth be told I’m nervous as heck about it. I’ve done my bit and called everyone back and know being Monday in the states hopefully I’ll get the news. Worried though.

Change as it were besides the love life or lack of. Still battling CIGNA Insurance. Except this time with lawyers which is what I should have done the first time around but o figured hey this are the guys that found me disabled in the first place how could they even begin to think that a dude with an incurable progressive neurological disorder is better….. Well they cheated of course because that’s what they do. Anyhow lawyers will deal with it. As soon as I get the all clear from the doctors I’m going to be pursuing the tiny house adventure as I’ve talked about in the years past. Since my separation and eventual divorce I’ve yet to regain my ability to do all the normal life experience thinhs. Car,house, ect.. it’s been all about learning about what is happening to me as Parkinson’s disease changes my life experiences, how I perceive them.

Recovering from cancer has been rediculous. Zero real aftercare and life with PD has been scrambled are best to stay focused on anything much greater than the very day in front of me. Not that I’m complaining it is what it is. But it that way for a reason or many factors as you can imagine. Anyhow I’m going back to bed. May all your dreams come true.

Benjamin. 2018


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