The burden of Life.

It’s odd how life gets away from me, maybe everyone feels this way, idk. Do you? I’m here in life it’s my 47th year on the planet, one would think that it would be pretty easy to get things right… Right?? Successful career and family,friends and life goals, kids are growing up well and turning it psychopaths or something horrid. Flash back moment: Then comes the 90’s in my 20’s painting/singing/selling art then 96 hits and my grandmother dies, HUGE blow, then a few years later in 98′ one of my best friend kills himself very tragically and publicly… I get to identify the body…. My world.is rocked. I look healthy and I’m well employed and by now I’m an emotional wreck.. 1999. I’m blessed with a baby boy, my son. Already with my (ex) wife we have a beautiful baby girl and now a boy our world is completely perfect and stays relatively”Normal” until 2007 when my father died 05-30-2007 very suddenly just hrs before my birthday 5-31 I spend my 37h birthday and every one of them since morning the loss of my father 10.years this year. ☚ī¸ Miss you Dad.

This I think is my breaking point, the family moves later that year M’s (ex,wife) mom gets a very rare breast cancer,2008?. In 2009 I get diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and our world starts to crumble.. In a last ditch effort to save our relationship and our family (marriage) we in 2013 finally find our dream house 9k feet of home,.well two big houses connected by a huge common room/entry room, 4.5 acres of land. I spend the last of my energy and little did I know the last of my time with my family remodeling our home. I decide that life is good enough despite the fact that PD and fatigue,brain slipping, fears and anxiety mounting I decided I’m going to head back to UK for an annual spiritual event I’d been attending for the past few years and Bam, when I get back. No home, no familia, nothing, the day after I come home after a nice dinner, coffee and smoke, I’m given the news that I need to move out of my home. That my wife loves me but doest want to watch me go through this journey with Parkinson’s disease with me. Remember I’m retired by now 2012 the feds and State both agree PD has kicked my ass and working isn’t an option.

There I was in shock from 2013 until now… 🤔😂🤔 Well kinda, I’ll probably never recover from the loss of my kids and wife, let’s just say it didn’t end well. So I’ve been spending the last 5 years trying to put back together something that isn’t fixable which is me 😱😱😱😱. I can’t fix the Broken parts of me, sure I can address my abandonment issues and the related effect on my relationships with people. I can exercise the best and as often as possible and I can eat right and sleep ( lol ) but I can’t cure Parkinson’s disease and I can’t fix the damage cancer and radiation treatment did to me. The best I can do is surrounded myself with ppl that try and understand the me that’s been fighting literally with my his life for my life. I just wanted “normal” or what I thought was normal. Now I realize that nothing i had is ever coming back and now as of just 2018 I find myself again at the crossroads of my life 47 with well advanced Parkinson’s disease, a host of emotional health issues and I’m single, all I asked God for was a companion to see the rest of my days through with. Someone to share the world as I see it. I asked to much apparently.. So now you know a bit more about my story. It’s not great matter of fact it’s a little sad… I won’t even go into my childhood 😱đŸ˜ļ not tonight I’ve cried enough today and the last 3 weeks, I had a friend that Left came back for a few days then nothing…. Total ghost treatment. Yep adults do it too not just mean grade school kids. On that note I’m done woke at 1:30 am it’s now 3:20am almost time to take my 4’s a.m. pills 🎉☹ī¸đŸŽ‰ then again every 2.5-3.0 hrs

Anyhow goodnight and God bless, be he/she a man, beast or toad I don’t care just be kind to yourself and each other. Remember that wherever you are and whatever you’re doing that you are loved and cherished.

Benjamin M Prewitt, be safe and make good choices.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “The burden of Life.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.