It’s funny how much you can tell about a person when they exit your life. Some leave huge messes of emotion and physical things, others leave well wishes and hopes of a brighter days to come. Some leave scars upon scars like a yo-yo made of razor blades. Whilst even others leave you with the feeling that you were cared for. Sadly even worse some will leave you void, alone, more broken than before. This is the time in our lives that one has to regroup. Search deeply for the lost “you” that was before them. I have a very hard time with this, especially since my PD and divorce. Though lately my neuropsychologist and I have been dealing with a massive abandonment issues stemming from a childhood trauma. Life lessons never cease to amaze me. At this juncture in my life all I can hope for is a smile each day, a place to stay safe and dry. I’ve no dellusions of what my life will most likely end like but until then.

Finding the”YOU” In the equation is most important. When we look back at what was left behind I challenge you as I challenge myself, what I’m I really holding on to? A dream of what I thought life could be like or am I truly mourning the loss for another human soul…? Parts of me, “the dreamer” wants to think that there’s a reason for all of this grief, that if we keep trying somehow we will meet “the one” honestly I don’t believe in the one. One true soulmate…. Maybe but I’ll tell you know that if that’s the truth them beware you can lose your soulmate or twin flame. Because when you find that person, who takes the walks and doesn’t think you’re nuts for saying Hi to the trees or the cow in the field. Find the person who makes your soul feel on fire and at home at the same time, that person is your person. Goodnight people, please don’t do as I’ve done and ruin your life. Find those who love you most and keep them close. Trust me you’ll miss them when they’re gone

3am free writing.

Benjamin-2018