Once again I 4am has come and gone another set of pills another sad goodbye to a life I loved so long ago. My wife and children and gone and grown. Loves scorned or moved on with real-life only stopping by the wiegh-side of my life to make themselves feel better or earn a buck or two. It seems loyalty and honesty of full truths and loving compassion are dead. Either that or fall in love with butterflies I can never truly have. This heart is broken, this body is broken and soon my mind will follow. There are no Angels left on earth, only devil’s with pretty faces and simple minds never taught how to tell the truth. I’m to tired to fight anymore. To tired to care anymore. My gift from God was hope, an everlasting light of truth and hope…. Nowadays truth lies to me daily and hopes candle burns a bare wick. With no reason to stay I guess it’s time to go. I’ll always love you as the night turns to dawn, I’ll always miss you as the night terrors rip me limb from limb. I’ve always thought trust in God, but let a person’s behavior show you their truths. Now I’ve been scorned enough, challenged on things taught to to children in grade school, belittled as a man for the last time. “If I was a real man” is phrase I find temtuious, for if I was a real man I would have given up and failed this long ago. Only now do find I lack the strength and will to live much more. I miss my son, my daughter to much to bare and without love and compassion, companionship in this life. I have no hope, no cup to fill, nor to fill my own.

What I thought was innocence was ignorence and what I thought was tender naivety was really think disguise of a sociopathic monster numb to the world we live in and skilled in the dissection of men. The end I can write no more. “Goodbye for now” as a dear sweet friend of mine used to say.

Benjamin-2018

A life in progress