4:04 am 

It’s been a while since we’ve talked this early in the morning. I’d like to say that it’s good to be here, or that I’ve been doing well but that would be a lie. I’ve been chased here by demons of my own making fueled by fear and driven by thunderous fury. Liquid rains of electric fire that course and creep just below the skin as if in one white hot moment my soul will burst through……
Then darkness, I come slowly back to this broken shell of a man who tried to live in the face of death. Met at every turn with heartaches and thoughts so dark the devil himself took notes. These hands are so cold and I can barely feel my feet anymore. Small stones live in the places where muscles once stood proud and strong. Left only with tendons bound tighter and tighter each day. Anxiety filling the spaces Inbetween.

She’s gone now…. They’ve all gone and I’m alone again. I’m so tired of this game of love and God, this game of men are chasing and wanting the world. I don’t want the world anymore, just a small piece to grow some food and medicine. A small place and a big tree out back so when the death lights come for me they don’t have to work to hard to recycle this shell,this bag of bones and water I’ve been forced to carry for to long as it is. Yes a small house a big tree and a garden…… Maybe a cat or two so I can touch a soft thing now and again…. Time for fire it’s 4am on the coldest day of the coldest week of the coldest month of my heart so far this year.. 1-2-2018 

The End~Benjamin 2018.                            **As all of my written words are true to the word not all meanings are of the truth but imagination. Sounds criptic I know, I guess you can say my words are mixed with things I feel as well as things I have felt. Enough for now. B-2018 

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3 thoughts on “4:04 am 

  1. You share your pain and sorrow in a beautiful and eloquent way, Ben. Although I know what goes on inside our minds is often a very different story. Just know a woman you have never met, far away in northern Michigan, cares and sends nothing but good and peaceful wishes your way.

    Liked by 1 person

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