There is a tiredness about the day that i can’t put into words. I feel as though life is laughing at me as it pushes and pulls me in every direction. How much grief, disappointment, confusion and physical pain can one waking human handle. Giving no heed as the waves of change and discontentment crash against the shores of my soul…
My robot is broken. More times than not as i find my social and personal filters gone. Blank……. Simply not recognising expressions on peoples faces or being able to just work something out in my head. Also forced to “talk it out” no words just gutteral emotion directionless a verbal sandtrap of swirling colors,sounds and distraction. There is a tiredness today that robs me of all my hope and strength.. A darkness that only the dead and dilerious can truly understand. It is simply like walking up to a mirror and not recognising the person you see. Logic says that is me but i look at this shell, ravaged mind and weep. Now as i find that the world is not a place a choose to engage i look to the heavens to guide me back home. i am not strong enough for this burden, these wings, heart and soul are tired of the dance. There are no true angels left just damaged human souls looking for shelter in the storms of their lives. This i know as i am one of many broken hearts scattered through time. Such is the fraility of man.
Benjamin -2017 #iwritestuff
The closing words about ‘the frailty of man’ makes me so emotional. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves. Why don’t we actively become aware that non verbal communication can be enough. Heart breaking.
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dear b… i am so sorry that life is becoming so hard for you. i do wish there was a glimmer of relief for all you endure and the anguish it is now causing you. like DBS?
i have no words to ease your suffering except to say, tho i rarely am online, i do read your words via email. you are always in my heart-mind as i send you as much strength as i can. xox linda
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Thank you my dear friend. Between my anxiety and Agnosia im not sure which way is up or down half the time and this fing PD has changed my social filters so much more than i ever coukd have imagined. To be honest I’m not sure what im going to do.