There are times in this life where i feel so isolated in this disease of Parkinson’s. The internal tremor that rattels my bones to the core each day. The rigidity that binds tendons tightening muscles in constant motion either inside or out, all held together by an invisble fog that binds only me and my mind to the shell of man i used to be. No time to adjust to the new me as it morphes again taking larger pieces of me with it each time.
Finding in these mornings most glorious and dark at times. Waking eachday with an ache so deep in my body, as if my very soul resists kicking and screaming as the relentless mass of parkinson’s disease bares its weight on this body and mind. Yet here i sit.. Watching in moments of clarity and depth. I weep as the pain in my hips is unbareble, hands tremble as shoulders heave in dystonic cramp. Tendons bound and wound so tightly as they twist and turn my feet and hips with torturous strength.
Ah yet i breath i find peace in the knowing.. The knowing that i am just one part of all of all of this beauty in the struggle of human life. This body, this construct of time and fear. Of math and metrics measured in sunsets and darkness, flowers and trees… Hopes and dreams..
Only then as i master this mind this soul. Slowing rejoining the light… Can I breathe as i watch the world around me react is i die… As i slowly need more reminders of what day it is or what the universe of doctors and vampires have instore for me. Slowly as these morning thoughts come to a close..
Please remember I’ve always loved you. Follow your heart for it is more pure than you know. Listen to your gut for it is wiser than you think and take care with your mind for it needs the time to ingest the magnification of lifes endless choices in this lifetime, but take head never stray from the path of light or one will spend a lifetime returning to it.
Benjamin- 2017 #myshakylife
“Be brave, be bold and thrive in the life you have.” ©2012