Early morning thoughts

Good morning. I find it interesting as i get older and as my Parkinson’s disease progresses I find the time and energy I put into people is considersbly less. Like say i meet a person i think id like to hang out with or get to know. I used to pine and really try to do the “Hey Hi, I’m me courtship dance.”

Now, not so much, I think I’ve reached a point in this life where i really don’t give a shit about physical love. Which is sad bc Im a very physical person. But it has become near impossible to read peoples intent and i’ve been lied to and manipulated to much in this life. I pray each day to be a better man. To have the strength eachday to continue to spread light and love. I pray for a companion to embrace me as much as I they… But alass, all that come I to orbit have agendas or are sadly not strong enough to deal with the reality of my life with PD. Im slowly realizing my Angels are busy saving their own lives. Someday i’ll find one who understands my kind of commitmemt. My kind of dedication and love. For when it is truly given to those whom shown their loyalty and purity it is given fully and completely with a single minded heat and passion most have never seen. Tis sad to have such passion and desire to embrace, exhalt, cherish and nurture another soul yet have no place to put it. So until that day when another pledges to me…. I shall retreat… Forget the touch of loves taste, or the sound of loves heart beat next to mine. In the end we all die alone maybe God is telling me to start practicing for the end. Maybe this is the end and i just dont see it clearly anymore as this disease ravages my heart, body and mind..

It rained today and wished….

Benjamin-2017

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4 thoughts on “Early morning thoughts

  1. My friend, I haven’t had a physical relationship for years & years, and I can’t say I really miss it. I think I would miss friendships the most, as those are that least selfish. The virtual world has become my outlet, and although it can be just as dire as anything in laughingly called ‘real life’, I find it much less dangerous as you can retreat and switch it all off when required! And you are never really alone when people think of you, through their memories or through the printed word (as here) – their good intentions can still be realised and felt. The way we can help each other like that is as simple as a kind thought, and because we are really spiritual beings wrapped in skin, everything has an effect in ways we don’t even understand. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    • Im tryimg to be. Its been alot. My docs say im doing well. They say normal people barely handle one of the things ive gone through. Idk. Doesnt makenit any easier. Soo very soon my life will return to full center. I can feel it. B

      Liked by 1 person

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