Resting time

I come here to rest. To write my thoughts down so i dont forget them. These days it rains more than it shines in my heart. With the absence of my now grown son my heart bleeds out daily with nothing to give. No fuel for this knight anymore. I wake eachday in a Parkinsons induced panic attack and a neuropic left side that sends me crashing to the ground or sets my bones on electric fire. I’ve been narcotic free for months now. Since mid summer when things feel apart and my true friends became clearer than ever.

Now after a summer of heartache and fear. Of silly memories and distant dreams. I find myself hollow.. Change is coming i can feel it, taste it in my bones… Everything is coming to end… This house, this town this life I leave behind. My heart feels so far away, lost at sea a drift… My once brillant star, now paled by my need to know the truth. Soon the rains will come and i will hide.. Hide from the world.. I will paint and write and hopefully leave my son a legacy of a better man than i have been. Now, tonight I’ll  rest and weep like a child as I do every night as I beg forgiveness and the strength to live another day that in hopes I will find comfort and love in this last part of life. 

Be well. You are loved and missed  dearly. Always.B 


2 thoughts on “Resting time

  1. Oh my Ben, so sorry it’s such a hard time I missed a lot of your posts in my absence. I’m sure when your son has a bit of life experience under his belt he will realise what an amazing man you are with all you’ve had to fight through.
    Love and light to you dear one xx


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