It’s hard to remember when it all first started to change, most of my childhood is blur.
I remember a big yellow sun painted on the ceiling. I remember riding down the freeway on my big wheel thinking I’m outta here. I remember sliding down the side the quarry cliff thinking I’m way to young to die and crap this is really really scary. I remember living in fear of just about everything around me, from the taverns of my youth. Yes it was the 70’s you could smoke and take your kids everywhere. The street lights dictated the time when it was time to come in for the night. Neighbors had names and when you called someone on the phone you never expected them to call right back. My first three years on this planet were hell, full of fear and the terror of knowing but not being able to express. It’s like being trapped in a shell, not unlike my life as a big person. I digress this is about the beginning. The years of Angels in the river and Devils in the walls. Of long angelic talks with my aunt L and running from demons that manifested in the back yard. After the first three years things changed….
I would spend the next 5 years thinking that most everything was great. D had married J and they had 2 kids my lil bros and the world seemed like everything was going well…. The dear ole D met R, proly fucked her a few times and then…. Well like 50% of the marriages in the USA it ended. My “normal” life ended and the chaos and fear returned. My brothers were swept away and the solemn day when I got into the car and we drove away. Never to really spend anytime with my brothers again until we were adults. So here I am 8 living in Salem Oregon D is at work I’m left to a hot dry breakfast in the oven, a key and message of love from a guy I would come to never really know yet always seek the approval of. This lasted for a while, how long I’m not sure. I just remember being alone for what felt like forever. Then finally my Grandmother Ruth would come to the rescue. She was the single most influential person in my life and little did I know that the strength she would give me, teach me would last me a lifetime and be the building blocks of what would become my mantra for life. Thrive!!! Live a life worth remembering and be kind to ALL people. To learn from each situation and always and forever be hungry for life and the pursuit of happiness. PS I’m on my laptop and have no idea how to use this format lol so im gonna post and edit later……. stay tuned for more stories of the past
I’ve always liked the sound of your Grandma from what you’ve said, would love to hear more about her. So glad you had her to help you get past the fear and problems of those early years (I dread to think what put you in that place mentally). Love and light to you Ben as always xx
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yes, teachers and love come in surprising packages sometimes…
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