As the birds settle against the back of my chair I’m unaware of anything around me. The sounds fade away and the tears begin to well in these eyes. This life hurts more imaginably than i can express. Such loss i feel at times is just to much. To what end is all of this madness if not my own sorrowful destruction. Why bestow such a gift of life and consciousness upon me only to make it full of misery.
Is that my task in life.. To love and lose. To strive and fail.. To achieve and have it all wash away into frivolity. These lessons of love and family and friend, loss,grief and pain am i truly just supposed to chronicle this tale as a roadmap of warnings ” Things not to do in life.” lol.
Waiting for life to settle a bit but those who know well know i dont wait well. If i have an idea or passion i need it to happen now lol 😂😂 I love completely or not at all. I feel with my whole being. I see in colors that dont exists and i speak my heart,mind and truths as i see them openly.
Today is just a day so far. Not good nor bad. I had no preconceived notions about the day prior to its arrival. Busy with doctors and specialist. I’ve been really thinking about my life lately. Cancer has a way of doing that. Really makes you think about the people and things one has in their life. Also it’s a huge reminder of the lack of permanence in our world and lives. All of this is so temporary yet as we try to thrive in these lives of ours we hold onto so much stuff. Hurt feelings and Christmas cards from years ago. Pictures of people we would probably best never seeing again and things that keep us from moving emotionally forward in life.
Anyhow just ponderings of my mind, food for later thoughts. Recap of th3 day so far.
Parkinson’s Disease recap.
Pain overall: 7
Balance:5 its okay today
Cog: 5 moderate focus 2 tasks maxs
Left side report (caner stuff)
Next very very stiff and sore. Jawbone on the right side still locking and clicking with almost all motion. Lack of r.o.m. when eating.
Neck to left arm nerve issue is still untreated large range of motion limits and still have next to no arm strength with perstistant electric/liquid fire sensations when using arm for any task.
Left leg: responsive 50% of the time. Difficulty in putting shoe on and control foot direction when walking. Extreme muscle loss and loss of strength effecting everyday tasks of standing, walking and transferring to sit/stand.
Okay gotta go to pt.
Big hugs.B 2017 “A life in progress.”