It’s time..

You’ll hear more from me before I go but it won’t be long now. It’s something that in life we all must eventually face first hand but will witness many times before our own calling comes. If one lives long enough or is unfortunate enough to see,hear,taste and smell death as i have in this lifetime.

Today I sit here and pack my bags and look at the things that held me together over the last 6 months of cancer treatment and recovery. Things that became my routines in place of the people that should have been by my side or couldn’t for their own shelfish reasons. They gave me strength when I found none. Only memories and things in the darkness as waited and I learned to heal again. Now free from the burden of cancer. It is my time as a human soul go to the actual side of another human soul in need. One who is leaving and many who stay to carry the burden of the living. My job is to remind us that living isn’t a burden even when it feels like it. Living is a blessing until it is time to go home. 

I’ll be leaving on a monday, driving then resting then driving some more. To arrive on a wednesday if all is calm in the world. If it is not then i will drive straight through until i arrive by my grandmothers side and my mothers home to do what must be done. Something i believe is probably the sigle most spiritual act the human body does beside birth, is pass away or die to be blunt. A trick passed down for thousands of thousands of years. Three deep breathes and its done. Silence, as she leaves…. Then peace and then the living bare sadness and its weight. The loss of the vibration and bio-chemical scent that all electrochemical beings leave behind as we are alive.

 I’ve seen to much of this lost, so much as many of us have. But it is the gift of live that gives us the compassion for other living things on this planet and for me no greater honor or pledge that a man raised by a village as I to go to the aid of my mother and her sisters, my aunts aid in her and their hour of grief. My Nanna gave me more than a kind home and warm food a baby she gave me her wisdom and her understanding of human nature. She have me a place that was safe to learn the skills i would need to live a life surrounded by sudden loss and tragedy at every age. But ya know between her and my long since departed Nanna R. I am the man I am today for better or for worse because of them……. Deep breath,

Thanks for letting me blindly ramble on. True, I leave in a few days for Reno,NV ill be driving which seems to freak everybody out. Omg theres a dude with PD driving look out 😦😦😦😦😦 LOL driving actually calms my “symptoms” but the PD through its choking nature zapped my sciatic nerve causing permanent damage years ago so in theory driving is fine sitting is bad lol. So what ever with a car i have the freedom i need to feel right now. Not even 2 weeks after my 1st all clear p.e.t. scan and this needs to be done wether or not if I’m healed up 100% but as mentioned before it is my honor and life debt to my bloodline to come to the families aid in a time of need regardless of own self, PERIOD.

Much love and light, as usual those of you who know me well enough. You’ll be coming with me on this journey helping me chronicle this life with Parkinson’s and paint. I cherish you all dearly as youve given me stregnth all these years.

Always
Benjamin.
“A life in progress.”
2017

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11 thoughts on “It’s time..

  1. This will be a good trip for you…focusing on others and liberation from the home front! Don’t forget your medicine! Sad time, but do enjoy yourself. Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you my friend and i won’t or I’ll try not to forget. I have a friend coming over tomorrow to help make sure im set. This will be my first solo trip since some pretty major Parkinson’s disease advancements on my body so hopefully all will go well that way. I was built to help people its and paint.lol. it truly what makes my heart the most happy. Thats something that cancer taught me. To recieve is great but to give is better.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Ellen it is sad. It feels more like im going to say goodbye and help husher my mom than my grandmother because if our relationship. So this is very hard for me brings up the loss of my father and other grandmother who raised me. But I do honestly feel like i was spared a miserable death by cancer for a reason. This may not be the reason but blood is blood and im a son of many so partaking in this journey is a humbling honor for me. Always. Benjamin. Ps. I hope you and yours are doing well. Forgive me for asking sooner.

      Liked by 1 person

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