Catching up

I’ve been a bit MIA in my own life recently and I apologize for that, honestly I’ve been letting my depression get the best of me. Granted it’s a great excuse or reason to isolate myself and focus on healing from my cancer treatment. The PET scan is still a month away. Crossing fingers already lol. I’ve been getting out about once a week for human contact and I have usually one visitor a week so I do get to have actual conversation(s) with real face to face people. 

I’m not pulling any punches here so if you’re feeling sensitive or worry easily I’d not read further if I were you.  Fair warning ☺. I’m growing more concerned about my left side. Since my radiation treatments my neck has been rediculously sore I’ve had almost a constant headache and I’m slowly losing the use ad feeling of my left arm. I’ve already lost the feeling in my thumb and index finger. My arm ofter I find is chicken winged up next to my body. It feels like there is a direct relationship between muscles in my shoulders and neck and the lack of strength and feeling I have in my left arm. 

My body has been pissed off at me  lately.  Parkinson’s symptoms up 100% from what they were, cognition, balance,fatigue all way way worse since cancer treatments.  Honestly it’s fucking rediculous,  there are days when I’m so tired it’s literally all I can to simply wake long enough to make myself some food in between 4-5 hr naps. I’ve almost completely lost track of day/time/month. Sleeping so much can really throw off that whole keeping track of stuff. Anyhow I’m rambling and please don’t think I’m complaining these are simply the facts and reality I’m living with on a daily basis. 

I’ve been painting through this whole cancer process but I’ve only finished and given away a few pieces so far. Mostly to those Angels stateside that I could easily repay their kindness during these most uncharted times. 

Not complete at all. These piece is actually being painted as a gift. It’s title is or will be, “The forest through the trees” it is in honour of those in our lives that help to give focus and kindness when we need it most.

Sorry for the crap photo,  I thought I had better pics of this one, possibly on my Facebook.  Sorry I’m losing focus,  something I struggle with all day long.  My thoughts have been shifting gears so rapidly that I find myself freezing in place as if stunned in thought.  I’m pretty sure that’s that’s a Parkinson’s thing. Right then before another day slips away I’m posting this darn thing. I love you all so deeply. Thank you for your words of encouragement and wisdom. Thank you for sharing you’re similar experiences with me so I don’t feel so alone. Having Parkinson’s disease is hard enough but fighting for my life against cancer with it has been at times unbearable. So to those of you whom have helped along the way again bless you,  by however of your chosen chosen god. But seriously truly my humble humbling gratitude and thanks to all of you.

Benjamin. 2017 “A life in progress.”

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9 thoughts on “Catching up

  1. I wouldn’t worry too much about the sleeping overtime, Ben. It’s a healing process that we all need so much. I know that I benefit from having an occasional day’s sleep and you most likely need more than most. I would get your arm muscles checked out, though. Sending love ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry you’re having such a hard time Benjamin. Would definitely get the arm checked out though, just in case. Sleep is very restorative and you’ve been through a lot of treatment, so you’re body must need it. It does bugger up your days though. Sending you good thoughts Benjamin. Kate xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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